What your favorite HBO show says about you…
HBO celebrates its 50th birthday this month. Rather than indulging in a listicle, how about a character assassination instead?
HBO has turned 50. Since 50 is the new 30, HBO shouldn’t be too worried about losing its edge, especially since none of its competitors have got within half a mile of touching its gilded pedestal. The television network has overseen and, it has to be said, contributed to, television usurping cinema in terms of cultural relevance and popularity (sorry cinema, I still love you). HBO brought cinema to the small screen and dissected it to be enjoyed in weekly bitesize sittings.
Listing HBO’s manifold masterpieces from ‘worst-best’ to ‘best-best’ would be fun, but ultimately pointless. The Sopranos is my favorite, but who would begrudge The Wire, Six Feet Under, or Game of Thrones (Seasons 1–7) that hypothetical prize? Instead, I am going to tell you, dear reader, what your favorite HBO show says about you…
The Sopranos
- You think the Talking Sopranos podcast with Michael Imperioli and Steve Schirripa is better than most television shows ever made, despite the fact it is a podcast.
- You love Journey, and not in a “guilty pleasure” kind of way.
- You detest anyone who demands a succinct and satisfying ending.
- You secretly think Tony lived, although you’ll never admit that because you love explaining the theory behind him “dying.”
- You are the kind of person who is unwilling to enter into any form of debate regarding the show’s merits. It is the best television show of all time, no questions asked, and if you disagree you are an ill-informed philistine.
The Wire
- You’re from the “baby boomer” generation or an early millennial.
- You don’t think Jimmy McNulty is insufferable.
- You’re the kind of person who enjoys lasagne and a glass of merlot with your early evening television.
- You enjoy arguing the merits of Season Two, even though it is incredibly dull.
- Season Four is your “favorite,” even though you know in your heart of hearts that Season One is the best.
- You’ll never admit that Season Five was disappointing.
Six Feet Under
- American Beauty is your favorite movie.
- You secretly enjoy Desperate Housewives.
- You think Thomas Newman is the “GOAT.”
- You have a poster of Michael C. Hall on your wall.
Game of Thrones
- You genuinely believe Game of Thrones was the first show to kill off some of its main characters.
- You’ll sporadically rewatch some of your favorite episodes from the show as if it were Friends.
- You’ll happily say things like “you know nothing, Jon Snow” to your friends on a night out.
- You would consider live-action role-play for a birthday party.
- You wish that Bran Stark died in that cave.
- You think the show lost its edge the more popular it became.
- You think “Battle of the Bastards” is the best episode of television ever made.
Band of Brothers
- You think Spielberg is the “GOAT.”
- You call your friends your “band of brothers.”
- You think the show invented the “miniseries.”
- You like to remind people that Ross from Friends is in the show as a villain.
- You still think Damien Lewis deserves to join the Hollywood A-List.
- You think Saving Private Ryan is better than Apocalypse Now.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
- You think Larry David is the greatest comedian/entertainer of all time.
- You don’t love sitcoms, but you love “Curb.”
- You are a child of the nineties.
Flight of the Concords
- You know every word from every song on the show and you sing the songs ALL the time.
- You also think you could have been a “part-time model.”
- You wear a cardigan most of the time.
- You like to remind people that Brett had a cameo in Lord of the Rings as an elf.
Succession
- You definitely don’t believe that Adam McKay is “overrated.”
- You like to talk up the show’s “Shakespearian” qualities.
- You’ve made a Spotify playlist called “all bangers, all the time.”
- You like to remind people that Brian Cox couldn’t be more different than Logan Roy.
- The theme tune lives in your head rent-free.
House of the Dragon
- You were born no more than twenty years ago.
- You think Matt Smith was the best Doctor Who.
Euphoria
- You think that most movies and television shows should look and feel like a music video.
- You think that Zendaya can do better than Tom Holland.
- You secretly hope Harry Styles makes an appearance in Season Three.
- You think Nate is “misunderstood.”
Disclaimer: This is not a “top ten” list of HBO shows. If it was, I May Destroy You, Boardwalk Empire, The Night Of, and The White Lotus would all have made an impression.
