416 Encourage the positive, accommodate the alternative

Are you often in my shoes looking at the bright side of everything? Pollyanna bias and Barnum effect involve a tendency to view things brighter than they objectively are. People take courage by looking for anything positive in a situation. Bilateral willingness to find the bright side reduces conflict.

However, we must not gloss over a more sinister possibility. If we cheerfully underestimate our risk, that increases the likelihood of failure when a resolution turns out to be harder than expected. Finding a bright side must not deny the possibility of a dark side. Unrealistic denial makes danger invisible.

Human relationships require perpetual discernment. Normally, we encourage people by extending an expectation advantage. That is, where we expect a good result, the subject is more likely to achieve it. However, if the expectation is grossly overshooting the subject’s capacity, that injures both the observer and the subject. The observer is disappointed, and the subject is discouraged when reality falls short.

Turmoil in American society raises these serious considerations. The observer who naively expects everybody to be nice takes undue risk. Underestimating negative potential leaves an observer vulnerable to unexpected opposition.

Discussion: Do you ever feel you are defending yourself from the dark side of fellow Americans?

14 July 2024