THEY — Chapter 18 — Feelings
This is chapter 18 of my book “THEY”. If you are finding it for the first time, please begin with Chapter 1 (or check the INDEX )! When you’re done, check out more of my stories on my MEDIUM profile: Caralynn Scott — Medium
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CHAPTER 18 — Feelings
The next night it was Jennic’s turn to invite Laybo to her apartment.
Initially she thought she should make a favourable impression and have the Arti’s do an extra special job of cleaning the space, but then she remembered Laybo’s untidy rooms, and she decided it might make a better impression if she did nothing. She could not contain the excitement of letting him into her world for a while and hoped that he would be as comfortable in her space as she had become in his — well, at least after getting used to the unusual smell.
As supper ended, all it took was a nervous “You have to come and see my place!” and Laybo was immediately on board.
“I’d love to!” he gushed.
Fenlow looked up from under his furry eyebrows with a sly smile, “You two have fun now. Go on!”, the last words accented with a wink that confused Jennic.
‘Fun.’ Now, there was a concept rather rare in Jennic’s experience and the thought occurred to her that in spite of the weirdness going on around her, she was actually starting to enjoy herself. She was, indeed, having fun. She was beginning to find herself, and she was liking the person she was becoming. Odd how fun and enjoyment could come even when a potentially horrific future loomed before them, but she felt certain it was because, in spite of the danger, for the first time she was beginning to understand what it meant to be Jennic, and she was liking the person she was finding herself to be.
It was all in her attitude, she supposed. She had lived a simple unencumbered life before coming to the facility, but she had not been happy. Now that she was faced with others trying to make her into something they thought she should be — against her will no less — in a place where she was essentially a pampered prisoner destined for the gallows; here she had found happiness. How unexpected.
She smiled at Laybo and the two casually made their way to the cube entrance, neither saying a word, yet somehow it felt as if they were communicating the entire way. Somehow, they were sharing feelings that were as obvious as they were wordless. As the cube whisked them through the building and to her room, the silent conversation continued, and when the door opened, Jennic skipped in, spinning, arms out, palms up, and squealed, “Do you like it?”
Laybo looked around, studying the place, one arm across his torso and an index finger curled under his lower lip. “There’s a lot of old stuff here.” He observed, walking over to the bookshelf and picking up the bugle Jennic had placed on top. Jennic was a mildly disappointed that Laybo did not seem to notice the collection of rare books he was standing beside, and decided to point them out just in case he had missed them.
“Some of these books are original prints. Others are replicas. All of them are very old.” Laybo still seemed unimpressed.
“Why do you keep all these old musty books anyway? I know you love to read, but anyone can retrieve them through ARI any time they want, and they take up so much space.”
Jennic was appalled but held back her disappointment. She knew most people had never even seen a bound book, let alone tried to read one. “There is something special about holding a physical book in your hand and scanning the pages, reading the words that have been imprinted there permanently instead of fleetingly displayed on a screen. Even the smell is distinctive. It is an engrossing experience!”
Laybo still wasn’t getting it, “How can you have an experience holding an inanimate object for hours? I’d rather live out a story in the simulators, or even watch a holo-projection. It’s not as if these things are alive or anything!”
“Ah, but they are!” Jennic laughed, pulling a random book from the shelf, “When you read them, they transport you to other places. You become other people, living in their world. It’s different from a simulator where everything is recreated in front of you, your imagination creates the scenes for you. They come to life inside your head. Your mind creates images of people you have never met and places you have never been. They all become alive in your mind!”
Laybo still seemed unconvinced. Jennic sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the space beside her, inviting Laybo to join her. She began to read a passage from the book she had taken from the shelf: the same Robinson Crusoe she had brought with her the day she left home.
“And now I saw how easy it was for the providence of God to make even the most miserable condition of mankind worse. Now I looked back upon my desolate, solitary island as the most pleasant place in the world and all the happiness my heart could wish for was to be but there again. I stretched out my hands to it, with eager wishes — ‘O happy desert!’ said I, ‘I shall never see thee more. O miserable creature! whither am going?’ Then I reproached myself with my unthankful temper, and that I had repined at my solitary condition; and now what would I give to be on shore there again! Thus, we never see the true state of our condition till it is illustrated to us by its contraries, nor know how to value what we enjoy, but by the want of it.”
Laybo screwed up his face. “What does that even mean? It’s like you’re speaking another language!”
“It’s English, just very, very old English. The writer is trying to explain how we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone. Every moment is special because in the next one we will miss it and everything about it. We may find ourselves wishing we were back in that moment, even though the one we are in now holds its own happiness. They are pointing out that we should appreciate every moment for what it is, something special that will never come again! When was the last time one of your holo-projections made you think something like that?” Jennic thought she had made a strong point, but Laybo continued to look unimpressed, or uninterested, it was hard to tell the difference.
“Well, I’m glad to be here with you right now, that is something.” He said, trying to relate to what Jennic had said, but also changing the subject.
As the night wore on, the pair laughed. They got to know one another more. Jennic read more of her favourite passages from a few of her treasured books, and Laybo shared stories of growing up with his three parents, two of whom were so busy he rarely saw them. Jennic was amazed at the bond the pair was beginning to form. She had never felt this close to anyone, ever before. There was an appreciation of each other that was growing deeper than any other she had ever shared with anyone. It was unique. It was special. They both knew they were gendered, they shared that in common, but it was more than that. This feeling they had for each other; it transcended gender. It was physical, visceral, and yet somehow spiritual.
The evening passed quickly and when it was time came for Laybo to leave, Jennic’s heart ached to have him stay longer. She knew Laybo felt the same way, and as he waved goodbye from the cube, the doors closing in front of him, she found herself wanting to run off somewhere and spend the rest of eternity swapping stories with him. Only a dream, she knew. One that could never be possible given their circumstances.
That night, she did dream about Laybo. Happily, her slumber visions painted a picture of the two of them together on Robinson Crusoe’s island, walking the beaches and climbing the coconut trees.
She woke with a smile the next morning, which remained permanently etched on her face throughout the day. Nothing could wipe it away; not the lectures, not the classes, not even Fenlow’s jibes or the thought of what might become of her in the future. Nothing could break the spell, not even the prospect of the camps. Everything seemed enveloped in a fluffy bed of pure joy.
That day rolled into evening, and the friends gathered at the arena for another Hockrosse game. Jennic, lost in thought, did not pay any attention to the elaborately choreographed plays, but instead, focussed solely on Laybo, who was giving one of his strongest performances ever. The motions of his arms, the shape of his face, the grace with which he moved. It was intoxicating.
Unfortunately, Laybo’s efforts were not enough to win the game and his team lost late into overtime. As their little group walked back to the transport cubes following the match, he was sullen and quiet.
Approaching the doors, he looked at Jennic with a touch of sadness in his eyes, “I’m so tired from the game, Jennic, I just need a shower and bed. I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?” Jennic reached out and took Laybo’s hand in both of hers, pulling it towards herself, then caught herself. Why had she done that? First the hugs, now the hands. Laybo looked down and cupped Jennic’s hands in his own, then, looking up again at Jennic, he leaned toward her. At first, she thought he was studying something closely on her face, but unexpectedly he leaned in the last few inches, puckered his lips, touched her cheek, and made a small sucking sound before retreating. In an instant it was over and Laybo turned and walked into the cube.
Jennic touched her cheek gently with her fingertips where Laybo’s kiss had landed. She looked through the closing doors at her friend standing there, facing her. His face looking tired, but he was still beaming from ear to ear. As the doors almost met, she thought she caught a wink, and remembered Fenlow’s wink at the table the previous day. She smiled. Her entire body beginning to burn.
That night she dreamt she was back on the island, but not on the beaches of Robinson’s island. This time she was in the forest with the Apes. More than that, she was an ape herself. She was the giant silverback, and she was chasing the smaller ape all over the jungle. They ran across the ground striding great distances, galloping with their knuckles and their feet, climbed the trees, jumping from one thick trunk to another, and then back to the ground.
Jennic caught up with the smaller ape who rolled on its back and stared up at her, smiling. There was something familiar about it… Jennic began to sense more than see that it was Laybo’s face staring back at her. The face spoke in Laybo’s voice, “Be careful what you wish for.” It said faintly.
Then another voice chimed loudly in her ears, “It is time to rise.”
She was wakened abruptly by the gentle nudge of an Arti. Jennic groaned and the dream began to fade quickly. She tried desperately to grasp hold of it and not let it go, but the task was nearly impossible and only vague impressions were left in her memory. The sheets around her were drenched in sweat, and she felt something wet between her legs. Never before had she dreamt with so much intensity — it was all so real. It was disorienting and yet thrilling at the same time. The impression of Laybo’s face on the ape persisting more than most of her other recollections of the dream, but strongest of all were the feelings she had for the Laybo-dream-ape and the deepening sense of connection she felt with the real one.
Returning from a shower and getting dressed, she found the bed had been completely changed. Apparently, her Arti had changed the sheets. Arti’s do this, of course, but this time was odd since the little assistant usually only did this weekly, and it had changed the sheets only the night before. Perhaps it was uncomfortable with the sheets being wet and felt they needed to be taken care of immediately. She was thankful however, that she did not have to endure the smell of drying sweat and didn’t give it much more thought.
Making her way down for breakfast, she found the group of friends already gathered at their usual table. Laybo glanced at her and smiled as she took a place across the table from him, though neither of them said a word. Relyn was trying to explain a particularly complex genetic sequencing of a rice plant and Fenlow was debating the best tools to get the job done. Laybo understood the science, but even he seemed uninterested, bored even, though he pretended to follow along just to be polite. While this was not Jennic’s field of interest, she tried hard to listen as much as possible. Neither she nor Laybo added a word to the conversation, but every once in a while, they would look at each other, smile shyly, and look back down at their breakfast.
These glances did not, however, escape Fenlow attention. Stopping abruptly in the middle of a very technical sentence, he glanced back and forth between Jennic & Laybo. “All right you two, what is going on?”
“What?” said Jennic, as innocently as she could.
“I see the two of you looking at each other and smiling — what’s your story? Are you making fun of our conversation? Want to let us in on the joke?”
“No, it’s not like that at all…” Jennic answered, though she had a suspicion that Fenlew new exactly what was happening. She felt her cheeks warm and worried that Fenlow might press further. Laybo looked down, embarrassed, his face reddening slightly.
“Well then? Spill it!” Fenlow pressed Laybo.
“There’s nothing to ‘spill’.” Laybo retorted. “So, mind your own business.”
Fenlow was more used to dishing it out than taking it and was shocked by this eruption of emotion. Laybo was generally mild mannered and not prone to outbursts, making the impact even stronger. Fenlow considered his reaction for a few moments, rubbing his chin, pressing his lips together tightly and squinting his eyes he said, “You two are up to something.” But he was grinning again and Jennic felt certain he already knew. He was teasing them. He must have sensed their discomfort, because he did not press the matter any further and promptly changed the subject, “Listen up, I’ve been in touch with my contacts. We all need to talk. There’s a lot happening behind the scenes, and I need to fill you all in.”
Immediately everyone grew serious again, and all other thoughts were set aside as they listened intently, “When class is out, before lunch, we need to meet in room eight, OK? But don’t come together. We need to arrive separately… come as quietly as you can. Don’t draw attention to yourself. And make sure you open and close the door when no-one else can see in. No-one can know we are meeting there. OK?”
Relyn, Laybo and Jennic all nodded in unison.
Laybo looked at Jennic again, but this time, without a hint of a smile, only a worried expression. They all knew a meeting like this was serious. If they were caught, there would be grave consequences. If the white coats guessed what they were up to, they knew their lives would suddenly change forever.
In spite of the fact the last several days had seemed to go quietly and smoothly, their uncertain future rushed back in like a tornado in their minds. They knew things in the facility were not going to improve without intervention, however, and a meeting like this could bring them hope, but was it too dangerous?
Fenlow looked around at each of them, making sure they all understood the weight of what he was saying. There was sternness in his gaze, impressing upon them the importance of keeping this to themselves, but there was something else in his eyes; he cared about each of them, and their welfare. They were his friends and his allies. He ended his gaze looking seriously at Jennic and Laybo. “And whatever is going on with you two… Please be careful. We need you both.”
