What Would A Good Dad Do?
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(I’m writing something every* day for #100days. This is post 88/100.)
“Who am I?
What kind of situation is this?
What would someone like me do in a situation like this?”
In the identity model of decision making, people ask themselves those three questions to determine what action to take.
Most first-time fathers would answer the first question simply.
“I’m a good Dad.”
And with a newborn, there are usually just a limited number of situations you face — either baby needs to be fed, changed, burped, or put to sleep.
But when it comes to the third question — what would a good Dad do in a situation like this? — there aren’t immediate models to reference.
How soon does a good Dad go back to work?
How often does a good Dad bottle-feed and settle the baby back to sleep at night?
How much does a good Dad hold his child? How much should he speak and read and sing?
How should a good Dad support the mother of his child? How does he give back and take the weight and relieve the disproportionate strain she has to bear?
What does a good Dad do?
In his Colbert interview, Biden reflects on his son Beau, saying:
“You know you’re a success as a parent when you turn and look at your child and realize they turned out better than you.
I was a hell of a success.”
There are no real, readily available heuristics for being a good Dad.
But one way to alleviate the moment to moment uncertainty of first-time fatherhood, is to raise your eyes to the horizon, to the possibility that you might help your child turn out better than you did.
This doesn’t help you answer the specifics. It won’t equip you to soothe the screaming and the distress.
But it does remind you the road is long, and that whatever you get wrong, with time and intent you’ll probably be able to make right.
I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time.
Sometimes it feels like I’m running with my laces tied together.
But through the force of love, and the weight of time, I’m hopeful that one day I too can say that I’ve been a hell of a success.
I’m hopeful my son turns out better than me.
