How I Use Self-Reflection To Improve My Relationships

It starts with knowing the right questions to ask yourself

Photo by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash

I’m an introvert by nature. But I saw the most drastic change in my relationships when I started a daily self-reflection process.

In the past, I used a me-centered approach to reflecting on my day. Looking only at how a situation affected me and my emotions and feelings.

I came across a post by Marie Forleo with 3 powerful review questions and adopted a new approach to my daily reflection process. Not only looking at how I could improve myself but also how I could better be of service to others.

This new process of reflecting on my day has already improved many of my close personal relationships for the better. I don’t just tell myself that I’m a better partner, mother and friend. Through daily self-reflection I get to gauge my actions and see how well I am showing love and support to the most important people in my life.

It’s the practice of doing it every single day that makes the difference. Being present and being honest.

Let us love not with words but with actions and truth

— 1 John 3:18

I’ve listed the questions I ask myself every day as part of my evening shutdown routine. See if one or two would fit into your own evening routine.

What am I proud of?

I start every evening shutdown by reflecting on the events of my day. By looking back at my schedule and my notes, I’m able to pinpoint what I have achieved, experienced, or created that really stood out. I think about what aspect of my day am I most proud of.

Achievements relate to progress towards habits and goals I have set for myself. Even the smallest achievement towards my goals is worth celebrating. As a stay-at-home mom of a newborn baby, making the smallest progress toward achieving my goals is a tremendous accomplishment.

Experiences can be anything special I want to remember or really stuck out to me. It could be as simple as someone I got the chance to meet or maybe my baby’s first milestone.

Creating is basically what it sounds like, producing something new of value for either myself, my family or my business and tribe.

How did I help or serve someone today?

I think about my day in terms of how did I make someone else’s day better. How did I serve someone and help improve this situation?

Even if it’s one person it matters. Small everyday kindnesses can have such and impact someone’s day.

Looking for ways to go out of your way, even though you don’t have to. When I think back, I first think about how I served my immediate family and broaden out to people I may have interacted with during the day. I try my best to think of specific actions I used to help, support or serve someone else either in or outside of my immediate circle.

Everyday my goal is to be of service to one person daily. On days I struggle to list a specific person and action it’s shows for me in black and white that I need to put myself out there more to be of service and show love and care for the needs of others.

What mistakes, challenges or obstacles did I learn from today?

For this question, I need to take the time to search my heart for any negative emotions that may have come up during the day. Like anyone else I struggle with negative emotions that develop from an argument, past resentment or my own limiting beliefs.

I try to think of a specific situation and examine why it upset me. Once I’m able to state the issue, then I can think of solutions to the problem. Going forward, I don’t have to keep having this situation resurface again and again. I can face a similar situation knowing how to respond differently.

I try to search for any blockages that could serve as stumbling blocks, hindering my progress toward having loving and successful relationships.

What progress did I make towards achieving my goals?

Having specific goals and reflecting on them daily, I’m able to see my progress charted out. I use a very strategic approach to goal-setting by writing out my yearly, quarterly, monthly goals daily.

I believe this new method of goal-setting primes my mind early in the morning to focus my priorities on what will yield the greatest effort in achieving my goals. I’m able to look back over my day with a real clear focus of whether I’m making progress towards long-term goals.

I’ve had more long drawn out reflection processes in the past I didn’t keep up with. This daily reflection process is quick, focused and to-the-point. I’ve been able to stick with it daily because it’s doesn’t feel like another arduous task after a long day.

Leave me comment or a suggestion and let me know how this process works for you.

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Salinas Danielle is a productive and time management coach for a stay at home female entrepreneurs. She helps moms solve the challenges of balancing their energies between business, family & self-care.