To Be Bullied Is One Thing, to Move on Is Another
I just wanted to be invisible
This article covers several difficult issues, including depression and suicide. If you or anyone you know needs help finding support and crisis resources, please go to bit.ly/DOHhelplines for more information.
For a moment I thought I wasn’t important.
I never really knew what bullying was until I got bullied. I got bruised by words like punches. I bled to death because of words like knives. To be bullied means to think your life is nothing important to other people even to the people closest to your heart.
This is a story about how I managed to overcome the worst phase I’ve been in my life… childhood.
It was summer of 2004 when my classmates declared I’m the worst person in the world yet the best person to be bullied. I got called different names, picked on because of my situation, and beat up several times.
Years passed and it kind of became a daily routine already. I’ll wake up in the morning, feeling scared to got to school but my grandmother would still insist me to go. At school, I’d suffer from teasing, aggressive punches, and demoralization. Sometimes, I just wanted to be invisible.
After school, I’d come home with bruises in my arms and legs. I wished I could just tell my grandma but I knew she would just get mad at me for not fighting for myself. I’d tell my teachers sometimes but they wouldn’t believe me since the smartest kid in our class was one of the bullies. I had no one to turn to.
I just felt like no one really understood and cared for me.
There are times that I hated to go to school so much that I even wished I’d go paralyze. But doing nothing about it makes me feel even more pathetic. Somehow I managed to just ignore them. I would hold back the tears. Act like I don’t hear them and just look forward to 4:00 pm where I can go home and tell myself, “everything’s gonna be alright someday.”
I knew those bruises would heal but the wounds in my heart… well it would take time.
Being bullied is just the first part… moving on from everything that happened to me was more difficult. Since I had no one to talk to about it, I got depressed. I barely talk to my family as well. Until one night… I saw a blade in our storage closet.
But I came to my senses.
Yes, I realized that if I did it… nothing will ever make sense. I wouldn’t be able to fight for myself and I’ll forever be scared. I told myself, “I had to stand for myself.”
For a moment, I realized that I should not only stand up against the bullies. I should also stand up against myself. I am my worst enemy. My mind and my heart are my biggest bullies. If I let my emotions rule over me… it’s like letting the bullies win.
