I’m sorry for crying

“I’m sorry for crying. I’ll try not to next time.”

Over and over again I hear this as a therapist.

It is one of those things that breaks my heart.

I want to say lean forward and say, “Cry. Cry. And then cry some more. There is so much to cry about. Let it out. Let yourself be sad and undone.”

It is a moment when sometimes a client is full of emotion and unable to take in my openness. They are sure I am closed to them.

And they are keeping that part of themselves — the part that grieves — in line. In check.

It doesn’t have to make sense.

It doesn’t have to be justified.

Some people long to be able to shed tears.

When tears come they are a gift.

There’s nothing selfish about letting yourself cry.

Crying shows us what matters to us. It expresses a part of who we are.

Every time I cry in a situation where I could let it out someone says to me, “Just let it out. Don’t hold it in.”

The consistency of this response has made it clear to me that I also hold in my tears.

I don’t apologize any more.

But I can’t access them. I can try to let it out but they don’t often flow.

When tears come they are a gift.

Sadness sits in us and creates a pressure that needs to be released and shared.

Being sad isn’t popular.

It isn’t transcendent.

Or positive.

Or a meeting with your destiny.

Or is it?

What would it be like if we let ourselves cry?

No explaining. No advice. Just tears.

Tears shed and tears shared.

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