Sexual assault. #metoo

As facebook blew up this weekend with so many strong beautiful women posting statuses of “me too” to highlight the prevalence of sexual harassment and assault I had a difficult encounter in the “real world” that brought home in a visceral way the prevalence and power of sexual assault.

Sexual harassment and assault is a direct transmission to your body. It speaks loud and clear.

It says:

“This is what you deserve.

This is who you are.

This is what happens of you take up space in the world.

Your desire, consent, willingness are irrelevant.”

It reawakens past traumas and losses in the body.

It throws us out of a grounded place and into a fearful one where we may construct the whole world as against us.

It breaks the connection between ourself and our life force. Between ourself and our creativity.

Smiles go away.

Lethargy appears. And hopelessness. And disconnection.

We blame ourselves. Why? Because it’s better than experiencing, feeling that we had not control and we were hurt.

The blaming goes deep — we feel we do not deserve what we have and this permeates many areas of life.

We’re more fragmented, forgetful — the pieces of us are further apart.

Disconnected from ourselves we struggle to connect with others and with nature and with the whole system of beings we’re sharing the planet with.

None of this lasts forever necessarily. But without help it does.

Without help we are lost and alone and supported — without ground.

Without help we will assault others — perhaps not physically but we will repeat the cruelty to which we have been subjected. If only in our controlling desire to please everyone instead of hurt them.

What do I mean by help? I mean love. Holding. Patience. Container. A place to open.

This can be found in a friend, a therapist, a favourite yoga class, a walk in nature… depending on what we experience and how it impacts us our needs are very different.

But when we are victimized we need help. We need some kind of holding to help us reconnect to ourselves.

And those of us with repeated pain over many years — and I know that is many of you readers — we need a lot of help to reconnect to ourselves.

I am writing this to emphasize the deep personal impact of sexual harassment and assault. Our tendency is to minimize it because it is so normal and because our culture supports the perpetrators. Stay close to your heart — every single one of your feelings is important and meaningful. Every single one.

I am sending you all so much love in those painful parts today and wishing that you get everything you need to feel safe and to thrive.

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