Florida Man Explains Why Florida Is Bat**** Insane

It’s not the heat, it’s not the humidity, it’s the people

Handler places an alligator in a sleeper hold at the Ross Allen Reptile Institute in Silver Springs, ca. 1960 (State Library and Archives of Florida)

Back around 1990, some friends and I had a habit of strolling over to the Red Lion pool hall to watch America’s Most Wanted and count how often our state came up. If the number was ever zero, I don’t recall it.

Yes, my native state is famous for producing headlines like these:

Man, 76, Cops Plea For Home Castration: Perp once did surgery in room at La Quinta Inn

Florida couple “trapped” in unlocked closet for two days

Boyd Corbin, Once Arrested for Fighting a Drag Queen With a Tiki Torch, Runs for Wilton Manors Mayor

Florida man arrested for tossing alligator into Wendy’s drive-thru window

Now look, I know crazy happens everywhere. But crazy is to Florida what snow is to Alaska — we get a damn sight more of it than most states. And like all forces of nature, the Floridian strain of insanity is an amalgam of smaller forces intersecting to deliver an undefeatable wallop.