COVID-19 — When Adult Kids Come Home to Roost
In March of this year (the infamous 2020) our 23-year-old daughter and 25-year-old son didn’t live with us. They were both in the early stages of their careers, in various parts of the country. But, when the pandemic hit, they abandoned their apartments and moved home.
Our Home — Shared Workspace
Before this, when my husband wasn’t traveling, I’d hear him on the phone upstairs conversing with clients and coworkers. Now, voices from conference calls emit from all three bedrooms, and the clatter of keyboards creates a constant staccato. Our home has become the family’s communal workplace. When our son makes a sale for his software company, we might hear his “Woo-hoo!” and meet briefly in the upstairs hallway for fist bumps. Our daughter maintains a west coast schedule, sleeping later and working well into the evenings. The kitchen has become the office water cooler, where the kids or my husband will share their latest anecdote or grumble about their boss, clients, or co-workers. Meanwhile, when I’m not writing, I’m cooking, cleaning, doing laundry — basically nesting.
The Opposite of Isolation
I’m well aware of the irony that many people are suddenly experiencing loneliness and isolation, while I’m now in the constant company of family. As an extroverted writer (an unusual breed), the past few years of empty nesting had me actively seeking social engagement. With a husband who travelled 2–3 weeks per month before the virus, many days the only people I’d speak with were at the gym or grocery store. I’m sympathetic to the lonely, and gratefully guilty over the abundance of camaraderie, conversation and youthful energy filling my home.
The business world seems to be gasping and lurching along. And, here we are, getting a glimpse into each other’s work lives and gaining understanding we never would have had before the threat of this virus. We’ve learned to weave in and out of each other’s new-found routines. I make full pots of coffee, my son whips up extra smoothie, we take turns on the decrepit exercise bike in the basement, or schedule time with each other for walks. I yell upstairs when dinner is ready, just like the old days, but now anyone can eat when they want and where they want. (I’m cooking old favorites while trying to respect the low-carb lifestyle the kids now subscribe to.)
In the evenings, we inevitably find each other. “What are you watching?” someone will ask. And then most, if not all of us find a spot on the sofa.
“Throw me that blanket, please?”
“Pillow?”
“Get me some water while you’re up?”
Parenting Adults is Easier
I could say it’s like the old days, but I think it’s better. As parents, we’re not bugging anyone about homework, chores, grades or college applications. I did make one quick speech, early on, about cleaning up after themselves. And, for the most part, they have.
I’m also honored our kids have chosen to come home. There have been times in the past when they chose otherwise — to stay at a friend’s house or at school during a break. Perhaps they didn’t want to deal with our questions about their lives and demands of their time. Now, it seems this virus has let them see their parents as allies versus adversaries. And home is now a place of safety and refuge.
For me, the day to day minutia of caring for my family has been my saving grace during this pandemic. I’m frightened, actually terrified, of this virus’s impact on the world, society, friends, neighbors, and my extended family. Despite best efforts, I often let my imagination go to those dark, post-apocalyptic places of epidemic scarcity and survival. And even then, I’d rather be together, enduring as a family.
Living in Limbo
As for the kids, I’m impressed with their resilience. Our daughter has decided not to renew the rental agreement on her apartment, and with that, her dream of living in Los Angeles seems to be dying, or at least taking a long nap. Our son’s company has announced that workers will be remote permanently — a decision that saddened me, and inspired him to want to travel and “work from anywhere…someday.”
Despite the very really feelings of living in limbo, we progress. They work while I write, do a lot of the laundry, and make most dinners. I hang on to the silver lining of what I’ve been given during this pandemic — cherished time with my family, and the chance to take care of them once more.
