Day 8

A moment of gratitude for my guardian angels

Leo Tolstoy said “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, but I would like to amend it slightly — “All happy families are alike; each dysfunctional family is happy in its own way”.

This is the running joke I have among my closest friends. We know each other’s family and shared the jokes and frustrations of “can’t live with them, can’t live without them” when we talk of our siblings. My friends, who have come and visited my family would always tell me one thing when they see me with my brothers:

“You guys just don’t talk”, they would say with their eyes wide. And I would laugh easily, dismissing it just the way we normally are. And their eyes would grow bigger still.

True, we may not talk much. But more than anyone else in the world I always have in my brothers the quiet confidence that we always have each other’s back no matter what happens in our life. And boy we had fun growing up;

- We looked after cats and kittens, we had chickens and roosters running around the house, reared goats and play with them, play scouts and camping, and swimming in the small river at the back of our house.

- They thought me how to ride a bike — on one occasion, I remember one of them tied my three-wheeler to their bicycle, pulling me along (It ended being quite bloody). We rode bicycles and got chased by a goose.

- We played in the flood together, my eldest brother would get on the sampan to get supplies, and we would all get onto it afterwards to go to my aunt’s house for hot tea and snacks.

Ami (A Azmi A Aziz), always the towering figure and I remember him as the serious one in the family. I am most proud of him for being such an amazing father to his daughters, it always warms my heart seeing how much fun and laugh he shares together with his family.

Ayen (Anuar Fazrin), the brother I always confide to (we exchanged letters when I was at school and he was in Jordan), the one I keep going back to at different junctions of my life whenever I am about to make small or big decisions. I know he has found his greatest treasure in my sister in law and his son, and I am glad to always be a part of the journey. (Happy birthday!)

Am (Amir Izham), my playmate when growing up, I think we are more alike than we actually realize. And of all people, I learned the most from him about choosing the life that I want for myself. He is the brother I would proudly boast to everyone, the rebel in the family who follows his heart.

People always ask me when they learned that I have four brothers growing up, if I ever wish I had sisters. I would normally just look at them aghast and ask “why would I ever?!”.

They are the best brothers I could ever ask.

October 6, 2015