17 Reasons Why I May Not Like You
1. You make me feel like less of a person when I’m around you, you make me wonder why I’m not at home in my pajamas
2. You judge other people’s choices, without knowing the facts. It may seem as though she’s a crazy ex-girlfriend, but what did he do? I’m gong to eat this entire poutine whether you like it or not.
3. You don’t like to do anything that I like to do. Don;t get me wrong, it’s fun to have different types of friends, but if all you like to do is meet new people while drunk at a bar, me and you aren’t going to get very far. You’d better like poutine.
4. You don’t give things or people a chance. Sure some things like drinking at a bar don’t interest me, but I’ve certainly tried to make it work. Have you tried poutine?
5. You stare into my eyes as to exert your power over me. I think this has to do with some of my past, but being stared at in the eyes makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Why don’t you stare at the ceiling instead?
6. If all you do is small talk. Yeah, yeah. I know everyone wants to know how I am, what my job is, when I’m going to get married and reproduce, but let’s talk about interesting things. How many blueberries can you eat in a day? What tv shows do you binge watch? What does your husband do that drives you insane? Give me some riveting information to help me connect with you. Small talk is boring!
7. You’re not being real. Sure I enjoy a good robotic conversation every now and then, but when you’re not being honest and saying things like “oh my gosh, it’s been like forever! I totally missed you!” in that high pitched voice with no meaning behind it, get out! If you don’t really like me it’s okay, everyone is different. We don’t have to be best friends if we just don’t connect.
8. If you’re more interested in how you look than the kind of person you are on the inside, we probably won’t get along. Sure, sometimes I like to make myself look a little less like a hobo, but I’d rather be a kind hobo than a soulless model any day. I have a good heart, and I mean well, honestly.
9. If you prefer talking on the phone, rather than in real like or texting, we probably can’t be friends. I don’t enjoy talking on the phone, I want to see your face and not have to hold something up to my ear. When I get a call without warning, I almost have a heart attack for starters, wondering what emergency must be happening right now, because that’s the only thing that warrants a phone call.
10. You’re trying to sell me something. Sure, I do buy stuff sometimes, but not on the basis to completely support you. I am selfish in the fact that I don’t make a lot of money, and don’t want to waste my time hearing about the things I don’t need to purchase from you. Again, I don’t make a lot of money.
11. If you’re not interested in humourous conversations, it’s going to be tricky for me to talk with you. I like to laugh when I’m talking with friends, and enjoy a good serious conversation every once in a while, but let’s not overdo it.
12. If all you do is ask for sympathy, I’m probably going to ditch you. I understand sometimes it’s nice to support each other, but it’s a give and take thing, and I will likely freak out if I have to pry you for details as to why you’re so upset. I’ll give you advice if you need it, and you do have to tell me all the details, or it just isn’t worth it.
13. If you’re a liar, I probably will stop talking to you altogether. Sure, I’ve told a few lies in my day, but all that does is waste time. I prefer to be legitimate at all times when I can. It’s ruthless to screw around with people’s hearts and time.
14. If you don’t like doing two things at once, it’s going to be especially difficult for us to get along. If I only do one thing at a time, my mind drifts off into sleep mode. I don’t talk in my sleep, so we need to have a radio going, or paint, or rock climb to keep my blood flowing correctly.
15. If you smoke beside me, I’m probably going to leave as soon as possible. I understand that there are people who smoke, and that it’s a tough habit to kick. What I do not appreciate is being forced to breathe in that lung destroying air, especially in a car or room with a smoker. If I breathe in a lot of smoke, which has happened a few times, I will have a sore throat for at least 24 hours. I’d rather have an easy time breathing than have a smoking good time with you.
16. If you’re not willing to compromise on music, I’m likely going to go insane. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a car listening to screamo or country music without feeling comfortable enough to switch it to something mutually enjoyable.
17. Last but not least, if you don’t appreciate weirdness, social awkwardness, adventurousness, random factual intelligence, and humorous people who like to have conversations about just about anything, we probably just aren’t meant to be.
Much love,
Saira Elizabetti
