Is Having Kids Selfish or Selfless?

This will likely be considered to be insanity, and I’m sure that some people would be upset by this, it is definitely a controversial topic. Here are my thoughts.

Background info: not too far from now, I hope to have my own children. I am a middle class Canadian farm girl, a teacher, and an endless thinker.

I ask myself, is having kids selfish or selfless?

Firstly, our actions are guided by basic needs. Is having a child fulfilling a need for reproduction, for love, belonging, purpose for the parents? Let’s say reproduction is an obvious instinct, automatic. Having a child fulfills the other needs, but is it selfish to have a baby for the parent to feel love and purpose in their own lives? I’m really not sure, but put this way is kind of sounds like it is.

Having a child requires a lifelong commitment, which seems so selfless. You are giving so much energy, time, resources to your child(ren). That is such a selfless act. But is it for them, or is it for you?

I’m a bit of a pessimist in terms of where our world is headed. Let’s imagine a woman in Africa, living in a hut, having problems making ends meet, and her family is starving. She has another child, many would say that’s irresponsible. Maybe it wasn’t on purpose, but is it selfish to bring a child into this world without the resources to give it a good life? Now let’s imagine North America, where things are changing rapidly. Will there be enough resources for another child? One human now lives a long life, and the standard of living requires so many resources. How can we predict whether the world will be able to handle the population when we are gone and our children remain? Many say, having too many children is a selfish act, or having children that can’t be provided for. I have to agree to some extent, but how do we truly know what the future holds?

Lets look at it being a selfless act again. Say you have the mentality you want to have kids for your kids. Meaning you want to have them, so that they can have a fulfilling life, very selfless. This is hopefully what parents ask themselves: am I helping my child to be successful in the future? Yes, your child may hate you when you ask them to do chores, but it’s still in their best interest, and very selfless of you to push through that anger to help them in the future with their own homes, families, and careers. This idea of having kids to give them a good life is perplexing to me. If you don’t create the child, they will never know what they could or couldn’t have had, therefore I’m not sure what to think of this one.

That’s a wrap. I’ll add more ideas as I think of them, and I’d love you to weigh in with your ideas on this, but please be kind.

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Thanks for reading, Saira Elizabetti.