Why the Unexpected Life for the Planning Person Brings Anxiety

True image of all the thoughts that race through my brain when I close my eyes:

So, this has been a crazy*** week for me. I was called unexpectedly to cover teaching a grade one class for six days with essentially no plans left because the teacher was in a car accident, that was the other drivers fault.

Even saying that makes me feel horrible. I’m thrown into a room, but when I think of what she’s been through, what I’m going through is nothing.

I’m a planner. I have everything I can possibly plan, planned. But sometimes I can’t play for things, such as these circumstances. I hardly sleep, eating is a hassle, joy is removed until I can settle myself and know I am fully ready.

My whole week I was playing catch up, lesson by lesson of teaching, and even had the kids start lunch 15 minutes early because I just ran out of ideas. They thought that was great anyway.

I hardly slept, thinking and processing what I needed to do, what I had done, what she had planned to do and whether I could make it work for me. I ran around in circles time and time again. Also, I drank too much coffee, and the bathroom is so far away!

Now, it’s almost noon on Sunday. I’m still hardly sleeping, and I’ve planned much more than my scheduled days for “just in case” they ask me to work longer than I’m scheduled. This eases my mind.

If you’re like me, this hopefully speaks to you. We can do it, we jut have to plan what we can.

Here’s a list of lists of things I’ve had to make so I can let me mind relax for a moment:

• What I’m eating for dinner. Yes. I need to be this vigilant to relax. My dad thinks I’m nuts.
• What I need to buy to make said dinners.
• My entire schedule for after school work including tutoring and sports.
• My entire schedule, lesson by lesson of all the things I’m going to do with my awesome kids.
• Now I’ve made a list of lists I’ve made. And there’s still many other lists still inside my brain.

I’m going to need some extreme focusing pixie dust, and an anxiety reducing spell this week. Anyone? Anyone?

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Thanks for reading, Saira Elizabetti.