NEWBIE MUSINGS
So Much To Say, I’m Speechless
A journey to find confidence and demolish limiting beliefs
By old school standards, I’ve led an extraordinary life at the semi-ripe age of 44. A combination of luck (10%) and REALLY hard work (90%) provided me life experiences most people dream of — private jets around the world, 5-star hotels, fancy dinners, big houses, lots of toys, adventure travel, early retirement, the list goes on. Bear with me — I don’t share these accolades to boast. In fact, my humility is just one of the confidence crushers causing my silence.
The truth of the matter is a large part of what makes my life so extraordinary is the sheer resilience I’ve developed in dealing with devastating losses. That’s a story for a different time.
Today, the ultimate question I strive to answer is: If I’m so extraordinary, what prevents me from broadcasting my experiences with the world? Surely there are life lessons to be learned. Surely I have helpful content others will benefit from. Surely someone will find comfort in the fact that they aren’t alone in their feelings. Surely someone will care. Right?
My brain says “WRONG” and finds a way to contort these questions into limiting belief statements. And stop calling me Surely. :-)
Why is my brain so salty? These days we call our deepest, darkest self-doubts and constraints “limiting beliefs”. Here are mine:
- Death of original thought. Case in point (ugh, strike two!). Those two statements are what came to mind and have both been used a gazillion times. I fear I have no original thoughts. I want to inspire and evoke feelings, not reiterate what’s been said countless times.
- Every story needs to follow a system. Chronological, sequential…some way for others to know how each story “fits” into a greater whole. But that’s not how messy, multi-faceted, dynamic life works, is it?
- I haven’t “niched down”. My experiences can’t neatly be put into a box. Or at least, I haven’t figured out which box I fit into (and frankly don’t like the idea of being in a figurative “box”, anyway).
- My writing sucks. I don’t have an English degree. I’m not a journalist. I’m an amateur writer. The corporate life I’ve lived trained me to talk and write a certain way. I don’t want people to yawn with canned and overly used statements.
- Something I say will be taken out of context. I’ve never kept a journal. I was too afraid someone would find it, read it, and take something out of context. I mean, how can you read a sentence written in a moment in time and know how to put that sentence into the context of someone else’s brain at that moment? Context is everything, and I want to do it justice.
Call it an early mid-life crisis, epiphany, or simply a realization — I’ve decided I’m going to find my confidence through writing. Period.
Actually, let’s be honest. I know exactly what inspired me. My very first Medium article about my husband’s incurable disease had such a positive response and so many people thanked me for sharing this information, I realized I want more of that. I want to feel good by making other people feel good. I want to help. I want to share.
So here goes nothing….and everything.
I’d love to hear if you’ve experienced the same feelings, and if so, what helped you overcome your limiting beliefs. Sharing is caring (ugh, ok…still lots of work needed with the clichés).
Sending you my best, and sincere appreciation for being part of my journey,
J
