2 min read
Next in trending

Totally awkward first date

ps. i am the awkward one

Totally awkward first date

ps. i am the awkward one


I met this girl on the (now defunct) dating website, Consumating. For our first date, we decided to go to a movie. I drove to her place and picked her up. And since I wasn't familiar with her town, I got lost on the way to the theater. We wound up at a diner closer to where I lived, got some food, and afterwards, I suggested that we hang out with some of my friends at their apartment.

The next day we were chatting online and through the course of the conversation I brought up regenerating limbs. I’m just gonna post the chat log cause explaining it won’t do it justice.

Me: wheres my only cigarette [note: quoting lyrics here. neither of us smoked]
Her: i stole it
Me: >=(
Her: i went to go smoke it
Me: i bet. you now have the cancer
Her: nah, my lungs are regenerating already. as we speak
Me: amazing. can you regrow limbs?
Her: no :-(
Me: i bet you never even tried
Her: oh, you have no idea.
Me: you seem to have had everything accounted for last night.
Her: hahaha, actually
Her: and i am totally serious on this one
Her: the right arm was a prosthesis
Me: haha. really? i know you are lying

Now, we had hung out the night before, and there is no way in hell I wouldn't have noticed if she had only one hand, right? So I “played along” and made some really awful and insensitive jokes. When she insisted, I started to panic.

So, in the middle of the conversation, I’m looking at some photos of her that were on the dating site, and in each one her right hand is obstructed / not visible, and I’m still unsure if she’s just messing with my head.

Then I called up my friends. We had all hung out for a few hours the night before. DEFINITELY one of them would have noticed.

Me: “J, did you notice anything about that girl I brought over last night?”
Jarrod: “No, why?”
Me: “Nothing at all??? Ask Anthony and Tom if they noticed anything…”
Jarrod : “Ok.” “They said no.”
Me: “Alright, I’m talking to her now and she said she only has one hand. She said she is missing her right hand”
Jarrod : “That’s impossible. I SHOOK HER HAND. I THINK I WOULD HAVE NOTICED.”
Me: “I KNOW! She’s got to be fucking with me.”

At this point I’m absolutely convinced she’s messing with my head, and seeing as how she agreed to go out with me again, she couldn't have been that offended by what I said.

The next day, I went to pick her up for our date. I rang her door bell and she answered the door. Before I said anything I grabbed her right arm and lifted it in the air to inspect it. There was no hand there. My heart dropped. I don’t think I've ever felt worse.

She was amazingly understanding about the whole thing. We dated for another 5 years. Eventually we split up but we are still really good friends.