The 6 Stages of Success
What it takes to overcome your demons, obstacles, and whatever else when your best just isn’t good enough.
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First, you need to know a little about me. My name is Shahruk Khan and I am a recently turned 20 year old college student located in NYC. Today is the 1 year anniversary of one of my hobby sites and after some self-reflection, I decided this was a valuable post to write.
I just went through one of the most toughest, life altering, and defining experiences of my life. I want to make sure that I never forget this moment, and above all I hope others can find inspiration from what I went through.
When I Made Lots of Money and was Very Happy
Earlier in the year, I had a job doing consulting for a small real estate firm which earned me $30 an hour. I was rich by college student standards and I bought everything I wanted. My girlfriend lived about 1 and a half hours away from me by train so I decided to buy a car since my dad wouldn’t let me drive his. I bought a 1995 Nissan Maxima with so many things wrong with it (but at least it drives, which was all that mattered). Being a young college student, insurance came out to be about $200 a month which was “nothing” to me at the time because I was just “making so much money”. I even bought a MMA gym membership for $170 a month to continue practicing my wrestling / jujitsu / kickboxing.
Long story short, the job abruptly ended and I was left without a source of income.
Stage 1 — Denial
Flash forward 3-4 months in the future and I know I have no money. I know my funds are running low. To clarify just how stupid, immature, and childish I was, I had no money and I woke up one day and decided I wanted to buy a PS3 on the spot. Went on Craigslist and bought one with a few games for $250, then put in another $100 to buy a 2nd controller and “Little Big Planet” to play with my girlfriend. I even decided to buy a 47inch TV for $400 because it was “too good to pass up” and my 32 inch TV died at the same time coincidentally. The fact that I had no money just refused to click. I even got a credit card to earn rewards on my purchases. I would go out every weekend and go to dinner to eat with my girlfriend.
My spending didn't slow down, it accelerated.
Bank Account: $700 left.
Stage 2 — Anger
Our relationship suffered quite a bit as I would randomly get angry at my girlfriend. I would do things like meet with her, and then decide I just didn’t want to see her anymore. I couldn't relax anymore knowing that I was in a very tight position and had no idea how to get out. This is when I started cutting class, slowly at first. It started when I woke up after a bad night of sleep and decided I couldn’t deal with the stress of Discrete Mathematics and Calculus 2 along with life.
Stage 3 — Bargaining
I told myself I would launch the next big hit of an app and I would laugh this off. I told myself, in 2 years when I have millions of dollars I’ll look back and laugh at this. I started working on my first mobile application. I would feel a little down and then I would think about the app and imagine me rolling in a mountain made out of money.
Delusions of grandeur, my Achilles heel.
Stage 4 — Depression
By this point, I hadn't been to class in 3 weeks straight. This was around the beginning of November. I would stay up all night and sleep during the day so I wouldn’t have to talk to / see anyone. I would wake up at 6 PM, go to the deli and grab a sandwich, play League of Legends, anything to ease the pain. I ballooned to 5'9 and 260 pounds. I went 3 days without a shower at one point. You never realize how you get to this point, you just find yourself here one day. Yesterday I was buying a car without a worry in my mind. Today I’m staring at a bank account with 25 cents in it. My beard had grown huge from months of not maintaining it. I looked like a caveman and I hated how I physically looked.
There were moments where suicide vs life really didn't seem to have much of a debate.
I would like to add that not once do I blame anyone else for where I was but me. I had many opportunities to not be here. It was my own immaturity and cockiness that got me to this point.
I decided to drop Calculus 2 because there was no way I was going to pass. I had missed weeks of class by this point and failed every quiz / exam.
Stage 5 — Acceptance
End of November, 2013. Missing class hardly phased me. I would wake up whenever I want, do whatever I want, whatever. Fuck exams, fuck homework, fuck the world. 265 pounds (highest I’d ever been in my life) and nothing was going to change. This was the lowest point that I’d ever been in my life and obviously there was no going back.
Stage 6 — Perseverance
I don’t know if I’d be here today if somehow I hadn't snapped out of it. Maybe it’s the fact that I was bullied a lot in my earlier life, or the fact that I endured high school wrestling (I firmly believe wrestling as a sport is the best teacher of perseverance and dedication) , or maybe it was fate or whatever. I've always gotten “lucky” my entire life where things seem bad and somehow they always work out, so maybe it was actually that that got me to being hundreds of dollars in debt. I was so used to being in a tight spot and things working out that when things didn’t work out this time, I didn’t have a plan B.
I don’t know what it was but here’s what I do know. Something changed in me where I realized that I could change my situation and that I was not powerless and trapped. All this time I was waiting for things to fix themselves, for something to happen. Maybe a former client would call me up and ask for a job or my metabolism would magically increase overnight and somehow I would end up losing weight. I always made these excuses and kept hoping for a better tomorrow.
Something changed and I decided to act, and within days here’s what happened.
- Got a contract job through a web firm for a large retailer (one of the top 200 in the world)
- Down 7 pounds. I’ve gone on quick diets before but this is the first time I’ve made an actual lifestyle change.
- Shaved my beard, got clean, fixed myself up.
- Started showing up to class again (I’m actually late writing this blog post!)
I think my experience of going through a phase of complete and absolute despair to radical change and something new can be summarized by the following:
To be the best you've ever been, you have to go through your absolute worst.
P.S. I didn't believe it for one single second of my 4 month down-slide, but looking back I think it still holds true.
