I Hugged & Missed

Last Saturday I went to a dinner party. As we departed, I initiated the goodbyes. I opened my arms and stepped toward the person closest to me to give them a hug.

She moved to the side.

I hugged the air.

She saw it. Everyone noticed.

“Oh,” she said, “I thought you were going for the coat rack.”

We all kind of laughed, then we all tried to explain away the awkwardness. One person agreed that they thought I was trying to get my coat. I suggested that I’d stepped too far over social boundaries by giving a hug to someone after just one meeting, perhaps inspired by my recent burning man experience. Burning Man is for all intents and purposes a hug orgy with strangers (or, in some camps, just an orgy).

And then a funny thing happened: we all hugged. Sure, they were pity hugs but they were hugs all the same. And instead of feeling weird, it felt kind of awesome.

People ask me what’s it like to be an extrovert. They think I have special powers because I’ll give hugs to anyone, usually blurt out comments before thinking through the consequences, and enjoy attending parties full of strangers (=new friends!).

Well, I think being an extrovert feels just like it feels for introverts. There are awkward moments all of the time, especially at the beginning an ending of social situations when you have to decide whether to hug, high-five, or just leave. In fact, sometimes it’s more awkward because you’re so aware of the tensions and emotions people are feeling around you (there are definitely times when you wish you didn’t sense so much!).

What I think is different is the risk extroverts take in social interactions. I went for a hug even though there was a decent chance that it would be weird. I’m less afraid of saying things that might hurt someone’s feelings or sound stupid. Sometimes I wonder if I’m better at social situations or just so well practiced at screwing them up that I’m not afraid to do so. When I missed that hug, I was a bit flustered but began brushing it off right away. When I give someone a fish handshake or lame high five, I call it out and we do it over. Awkard always happens, you just need to embrace or ignore it quickly and then move on.