I will beat you.

So… first things first. I am nearly jobless.

Now, we have that out of the way, I have to say I am scared out of my mind. My job that I have not been fired from as of yet considering I am covered for medical leave, but not getting paid for even though I should have, is ran by a bunch of crazy people. And I am scared that I will not have enough to cover rent or bills or anything at all considering my bank account is only 3 digits. So, I have been job hunting most of today, talking to my connections and trying to get my butt some work. I am this close to applying something fast food related…even though I really do not want to work for a fast food business and promised myself that I wouldn’t.

So, what do I do. You would think with my experience it would be easy, but its not. Living in the UK really has screwed me. If I stayed here, I would have had my High School diploma in year 2006 rather than in 2012 and I would be pursuing a career with a College or University degree. I thought about applying to a good college or university, but I need the money more than ever to battle court and lawyer fees.

I can’t really say I blame anyone, but myself. When depression hits, it takes over your whole body..and soul. Your mind is not yours anymore. Its like I am not me anymore. I am inside looking out into the world, and my actions are controlled by another being. So I have to be strong to break free. I have to be even stronger than this depression. I have to beat it. But its so hard. Hopefully the places I have applied to will get back to me. Then I can say screw you, depression! I beat you and you are nothing. Nothing to me.