Mathias

Sometimes, things happen.Sometimes, I let it go. But sometimes, I just can’t stop thinking about it. All i know is that his name is Mathias.

I live in Norway,on a small island where nothing really happens. Once every month, I travel to the capital of Norway, Oslo, to work and meet up with friends. Usually nothing in particular happens and I forget the little things.
But this time it was different, and this incident stuck with me for a while. I want to tell you a story about the last time I went to Oslo.

——

I was late by twenty minutes to a meeting, and hurried though the crowded streets of Oslo. I just got of the plain and had my suitcase with me. I had to dragged it over the cobblestones, which resulted in an embarrassing, thundering sound following me wherever I went.
And perhaps this was exactly what drew his attention to me.
Because sudently someone stopped me and said —
“Hi. Um.. I know this is maybe the most random thing ever. But i have to tell you something.”

I, confused and puzzled,just looked at him. Waiting for something to happen. Something that could be anything.

— “I just have to tell you… That you look beautiful.”

His green eyes looked at my brown once, and i felt complete lost.
I stuttered, and found myself unable to figure out where to look.
I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about this.

— “I’m sorry if I said anything wrong. Are you nervous about something?”, he wondered.

I could hear him asking the question, and I realized that the expression on my face maybe said more about how I felt, than what I was able to say with words. So I looked up at him and said,

— “No, I’m just a little late for a meeting. But thank you, I’m flattered.”

Smiling now, I looked at him and wondering where this was going.

— “Oh, I see. You look like you have been out traveling. Where are you from?”, he asked.

— “Not from here.”, I told him. Not in a rude way, but with a hint of flirting and a sense of humor.

— Then, If I may ask, why are you here?”

— “ To work. I’m interested in freedom of speech, human rights and international politics.”

— “Oh, wow. That is pretty impressive!”

He acted so natural and confident. But at the same time he had a hint of innocence and uncertainty in his eyes. That kind of thing that you can only see if you feel the same way.
The only word I could describe him with during our now barely one minute of acquaintance, is “real”.
Because he just seemed so… “real”.
And it made me feel safe, like he was not trying to hurt me or anything. But just being kind. (And yes, people like that actually exist.)

He smiled and said, — “I know this is a little strange and all. I usually don’t do this. But I just had to tell you. And i do mean it you know… You truly are a beautiful girl, and you seem really nice too.”

I believed him. Every word he said.

It’s not like it is the first time in the history of humans that someone told another random human being that they are beautiful.
The thing is that I have never been told by a stranger that I am beautiful. It meant a lot to me. More than I thought it would.
In Norway you don’t usually do that. It is considered inappropriate and a violation of personal space. At least where I come from in Norway.

— “Um, I was wondering... And I know this might seem a little spontaneous and all. I actually just wanted to tell you that I think you look gorgeous, but you seem like a really nice person too. So here it goes… You wouldn’t by any chance have the time to maybe go and get some coffee with me sometime?”

I don’t know why, but I was unable to respond. Silence.

— “My name is Mathias by the way. What’s your name?”, he asked.

— “Sarah.”, I said.

But then I did something that I regret. And this is the thing that makes me think about the whole incident so much, and makes me rewind the story in my head a thousand times.

— “Um, Mathias. I am sorry, but I don’t think I would have time to go and get a coffee with you this weekend. I have a meeting to catch. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye.”

I turned around, and walked away.
It was like my heart said — SARAH! Stop! Stay and talk to him! What on earth are you doing?!
But my mind that controlled my feet to keep walking said — Oh, common. There is nothing to it, and you don’t have time for this kind of thing.

After about 30-40 steps in the opposite direction of him, I stopped.
I turned around again. I wanted to walk back, tell him I’m sorry, and ask him to forgive me for not giving him a chance. But it was to late now.
He was gone.
And so was my chance to get to know him.
I’m never going see him again.

It’s like a fairytale. You read it and hope that one day you will meet your “prince charming” and you will live happily ever after. What a cliché.
But when the fairytale happens in real life,you don’t know what to do. You can’t just turn to the next page and see what happens next, or go back if you feel like you missed out on something.
Everything you do and everything you say are the things that constitutes what’s going to happen.
And if you make a decision — most of the time, there is no way back.

I felt so happy. And than I felt so terrible sad.
Why did I waste my chance? Maybe he was the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with? What would happen if I went out to get coffee with him?

I don’t know why I am so fascinated with this story.Or him.
Maybe it is because I thought I would react different. I still don’t know why I suddenly just decided to walk away. I don’t understand how I could do something like that. Usually I always stay and talk to people I meet, and never turn my back to others. Not even the people I for some reason don’t like.

To you, he may not seem that interesting.
To you, this story may seem like any other normal incident.
To you, this means nothing.
But to me, there was something about him that made me interested, like no other normal incident, like everything.

But all I know, is that him name is Mathias.