Being Home Again

This vs That

About three weeks ago, I left ‘home’ to reach ‘home’. Sounds ironic, doesn’t it?

Most times, it feels like I never went anywhere. Sometimes, the memory of that home feels too fresh, too raw

There is this feeling of sadness, of aloneness, in everyday tasks. There’s this homesickness that raises its head randomly for a little while before going back to sleep. It creeps in without warning or permission. It’s there despite the being-too-busy or settled feeling that came from coming to this home.

Little Lioness keeps me and Dear Samurai even more on our toes, and the days whirl by. Yet, a part of us longs for that home, even though we love this home equally. Talk about being divided or confused.

I know the feeling will pass. I know it will get better and I will adjust fully. I also know there will be days when I will only long for that home, while still having lots of love for this home.

Home is where the heart is. But what if your heart is in more than one place? Will I forever be a pendulum, swinging to and fro?

so, here you are

too foreign for home

too foreign for here.

never enough for both.

— Ijeoma Umebinyuo in Questions for Ada