Different but Same

“SSDD — Same Sh*t Different Day “

It’s day 409. I type this on my phone holding Little Lioness and letting her complete her nap. I had to rush out dripping wet and wrapped in a bathrobe from a very quick shower because she woke up. Not the first time that this has happened; definitely not the last, I suspect.

This is after a whole night of her sleeping on top of me because she would start fidgeting the moment her butt touched the bed. It was the same last night as well. And the same for yesterday’s first nap.

Everything is different and everything is the same.

So much has happened in the last few months. LL has grown so much, it is amazing.

LL pretty much started walking by 11 months. She now runs, given the opportunity. We can see her making sense of the world around her. It is charming to see her recognize each of her toys by name, to follow simple instructions (when she wants to), to actively sit and play. She has created games and rituals, which she follows through every time. It is even more endearing when she gives us a hug or a kiss (which is sometimes a bite!). She’s gotten better at throwing things and food but it’s just a phase, right? Her personality is starting to shine through as she’ll clearly let you know what she likes or doesn’t, or what she wants (you) to do. Definitely has a mind of her own. With her curiosity still at its peak, she has learned to climb up and get off almost every piece of furniture in the house. And she’s…

(And now it’s day 419 and I’m only now resuming writing, completely lost as to where I was going. Once again, though, I’m holding her while she naps.)

And so now we have things we like doing, like playing peek-a-boo with every wall or corner. We love reading our paper books, and biting our board books. We have weekly visits to the library and have even started listening to the sessions a little bit. We love copying the different sounds and faces mum and dad make, and even add our own to the list. Of course, we laugh ourselves silly when the parents clown around. And we have learned how to throw tantrums. Already so good at them!

With so much going on all the time, LL is still relatively a poor sleeper. As of this moment, she’s going through a leap, erupting both her lower molars and is being weaned off. She’s also started fighting her naps. So added to the mix is transitioning to one nap. I’m just…We’ve gone down from four to three to two but this one feels the toughest.

I’ve already spent at least a couple of weeks of (even more) barely-slept and confused nights of ‘what is going on?’. Now I know and can sympathize but still feeling on the verge of giving up.

The rest of the stuff? Everything else in life?

Bare minimum. That’s literally the motto these days. Well, it has been THE motto since a while, I would say, but it was always with the understanding that things would change soon. Now, however, it’s always SSDD (re: Stephen King’s Dreamcatcher’). So it seems, it will always be the bare minimum, with perhaps the ‘minimum’ referring to less and less.

At the point, I feel the need to say that this does not mean that I don’t love my daughter. I absolutely love her more than anything else. And I absolutely enjoy and cherish all her cutesy little antics.

But like I’ve said before, I sometimes don’t like her. The toddler tantrums don’t help. The immense lack of sleep doesn’t help. Always being tired. Always having a looong list of pending things to do. Having no time to myself, or being at a total loss even if I can carve out a few minutes to myself. It’s mind-numbingly exhausting. Over and over again.

An endless loop of the same different things.