This Is A Rant

About how this particular sentence is not advice

Of all the things said to new mothers, the one that gets my goat the most is this ‘advice’:

You’ll miss this (time). Enjoy it.

Perhaps something might be wrong with me. Because I cannot see how this is advice. Do you?

If someone asks you how to deal with a certain situation or a very specific issue, how does telling her that she will miss this time help her?

Because what she needs is help, not platitudes.

She’s probably at the end of her rope dealing with things. She turned to you for help and all she gets to hear is how she should cherish this time with her kid because she’s so blessed. You’re not wrong but don’t be obnoxious and don’t make assumptions. Don’t assume that she’s being ungrateful if she is asking for advice or help or just venting out. Don’t make her feel lonelier than she probably already does.

She just wants to be heard, not to be made to feel like she has done something wrong. She needs help in understanding what her kid might be going through. She needs help to know what to do to make the situation better for her kid. She needs help to try and get through the tough time she is facing.

Think about it. She is her own worst critic, judging all her own choices, being the hardest on herself, second-guessing her every move just to be absolutely sure that she does right by her kid. Your sanctimony just makes it worse.

Oh, but your intentions were pure, only to help the mother realize that this was no big deal, that things could be worse, that this will all be over soon? Then, say it in a way that actually reflects your good intentions and give some practical advice. As an experienced mother, you’re best placed to point the new mother in the right direction, to ease her distress. I guarantee you that when you help her, once she has useful advice on what to do, she will be able to see that the tough time is only temporary.

But if you can’t do that, you should keep it zipped and move on!