Veering Off
“Where have you been? It’s like you disappeared!”
Oh, how often I have heard these words as if I were being interviewed for the next, top breaking-news article. To be honest, I’ve never known how to answer that question. In my mind, I fall into a deep thought process that makes me want to spew this bleeding truth of why I had to go from the people that have known me through school or other endeavors, as well as many friends, and what I feel; the whole story of why I veered off the path that most have so aimlessly followed in life. I’ve never been one to want to check off a list of graduate, get a job, get married and have kids, enjoy 2 weeks out of the year and slave around the rest for the weekends and money I make. No offense to anyone that lives that life; it’s a fine way to live. I just choose to live a different life… at least, for the time being.
To be fair, I’ve never had solid footing.. not in a commitment way or with completing things; I’ve always had my feet on the ground in the regard, but my head has always been like a bobblehead as I am constantly spinning around, just in awe of everything around me. The sky is one of my most prized possessions. Yes, I said possession, because what I see through my perception is different and unique to me and only me. The hue in colors, the contrast… it all filters differently through my eyes than it does through anyone else’s, and is unique for each individual.
I own what I feel, and so do you.
I don’t have ADD if that’s what you’re thinking. I simply just have a lot of firing cylinders (neurons), that’s the way that I like to think of it. There is so much going on in between these two ears at the same time that I like to experience a bit of all that life has to offer for me.
With a finite amount of time on this planet, I intend to do as much with the time I am given.
I guess you could say that’s my outlook on life. Why get full off of one thing when you could experience a little of it all? A jack of all trades, master of none. I am humble enough to say I am a master of literally nothing. I kind of like it that way.
Let’s get back to my wanderlust ways. I remember from some of my earliest memories, just daydreaming A LOT. I could concentrate when I needed to, but I’ve always imagined another world around me or what if things were another way. I don’t hear things or see things that aren’t there… I just see differently what’s in front of me. I also feel things extremely deeply; this can be both a wonderful and difficult thing. It’s taken me up to this point, 28 years, to still not be completely sure why I am this way or why I have to experience things the way that I do; the highest of highs and lowest of lows in life. The one thing I do realize is that when I stay open-minded about the way my life goes, the more I enjoy it.
I am not sure if reading this has explained where I went or not. To put it as simply as possible, I’ve just been living, or as Matthew McConaughey puts it, “L-I-V-I-N.” Some of you will get that, some of you won’t. There’s been plenty of good and bad, but it’s a balance like an eloquent dance. You can’t lean forward or back too much or you will fall. In the last decade, I’ve seemed to have “fallen” and this next part of my life has been my come-back. This whole process has taught me a lot about life. I’ve taken an unorthodox approach to living, but when you think about it — there is no right or wrong way to live. It’s your way.
My life has essentially been what my title describes: I have veered off. I was on a well-predicted trajectory when certain situations took place in my life, consequently changing said trajectory. This seemed to keep happening enough that I eventually said “screw it” and learned to just live life in the moment and not try and control something that we can’t necessarily control. I will go into more detail with each blog post but I would like to end this one with a quote one of my doctors shared with me during a trying time that seems fitting for me and for anyone unsure of the path they were on and what is ahead of them.
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf” — Jon Kabat-Zinn
