“She was the joy of the ward”
In tribute to his partner Sarah, who died from blood cancer in 2017, Barry Maughan organises Macmillan Coffee Mornings in the University of Sussex’s School of Law Politics and Sociology where he works as a course co-ordinator for final-year students. This year he has encouraged other Schools on the Sussex campus to join in with baking and selling cakes for the cancer support charity.
Sarah’s cancer was picked up following a routine blood test in March, 2017. She had high blood pressure, so every year had a blood test. But this time she had a call afterwards requesting that she also have a bone marrow biopsy. And after that we were told that she had a rare type of blood cancer, myelodysplastic syndrome, which usually affects people in the 70–80 age range. This was such a shock. She was 57, and had been feeling fit and healthy.
We met fifteen years ago when we worked for the same company in Kent. One evening we went salsa dancing with colleagues. I discovered I had three left feet, but she was a natural. Nevertheless, we grew closer and, after a couple of years, starting living together. We particularly loved travelling and going on cruises together.
After the diagnosis, Sarah had to give up work [as a finance assistant] straight away. Within two weeks she was started on chemotherapy. Because of the risk of infection, she had to stay in hospital for the duration of the treatment, which was about 30 days. She then had two more rounds of treatment while we waited for her to have the bone marrow transplant.
Sarah kept cheerful and busy throughout. Her eldest daughter was getting married in the September of 2017, and she spent her days in hospital knitting heart-shaped wedding favours. She was the joy of the ward; the person the nurses would go to for a joke and a laugh. Thankfully, she was well enough to go to the wedding. It was a marvellous day and she was the last person to leave the dance floor.
Just a couple of weeks later she had the bone marrow transplant at King’s College Hospital. The aftercare was exhausting as she had to go to London once a week, travelling from our home in Crowborough. The treatment wipes out your immune system and Sarah caught an infection that was so severe that she was put into a chemically induced coma.
I was spending six days out of seven sitting by her bedside, willing her to wake up. Even though she was very ill, she was such a strong-minded person that I thought she would beat this. She recovered from the first infection, and had started to improve. She was eating again and we were hopeful. But she picked up another infection, and that was one too many. She died on 21 December 2017, with all her family around her.
There’s a Macmillan support centre at King’s, which was somewhere calm and peaceful to go, and I found it really helpful while Sarah was in hospital. That was when I became aware of the Macmillan Coffee Mornings, so I suggested to my colleagues in LPS that we could organise one. They were fantastic in helping to make it happen. I couldn’t be there, unfortunately, as Sarah had taken a turn for the worse. But they raised £650 and had so many cakes that they were selling them over two days.
I wanted to repeat the coffee morning last year, and we decided to do it during December, when the Freeman Building was filled with Christmas decorations and there were still plenty of students around. We raised £750 that time. This year I’ve been able to encourage more Schools to hold Macmillan Coffee Mornings. So on 2 December there will be events in Psychology, Maths and Physical Sciences, Life Sciences and LPS. I know other schools and departments, including English, are holding them on other days.
It’s been a very difficult time for me, but my colleagues have been very kind and supportive. I keep myself occupied by going for long walks and taking exercise. My lasting memory of my beautiful partner was that she was brave beyond words and fought her cancer with incredible spirit. She had no self-pity, never moaned or complained, and took the chemo in her stride. The bone marrow transplant was ‘just another day’ to her.
Even though there is a high demand for bone marrow transplants, just two per cent of the UK population are registered donors. It’s very easy to register, either through the Anthony Nolan charity or DKMS. And you could be the match to save someone’s life.
Interview by Jacqui Bealing
This profile is part of our This Sussex Life series.
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