Your Thoughts Are Things
Taking back control and building resilience
Recently I’ve been listening to podcasts, particularly on long car journeys and as a way to spend time for myself.
This week there seems to be a similar theme amongst the episodes I’ve listened to and this comment from one of them has really stayed with me:
Your thoughts are things.
We all have thousands of thoughts running through our brains every day. And, for me, some days it feels like these thoughts are a complex tapestry of emotions, ideas, decisions, and responsibilities that flows continuously on a journey out of my control. This means I often feel anxious, and I over think things all. of. the. time.
But what if we consider our thoughts with this idea that they are actually individual things – separate from each other (and ourselves) and actually in our own control?
Thoughts vs Beliefs
What we think can manifest into real life. If we think we are worthless, we often believe it, and then we communicate that to others (all be it subconsciously). If we think we are going to do badly at something, guess what – we probably will.
This is because we are allowing our thoughts to turn into beliefs — particularly when the thoughts are about ourselves.
Our beliefs have a very strong influence over our wellbeing — we’re either in ‘fight or flight’ mode, or ‘rest & repair’ mode. ‘Fight or flight’ is the really tricky one — being chronically in this state poses significant risks to our health and wellbeing, as our body and mind are intrinsically connected.
Our thoughts play a huge part in determining which ‘mode’ we’re in, and so by considering our thoughts as things we can separate them, and break down the habit of believing what you think.
This way we’re able to take time to reflect and dampen down those negative, unhelpful thoughts, reducing the amount of time we spend in ‘fight or flight’ mode, meaning our bodies can get on with repairing, restoring, and resting.
Thoughts do not equal truth
Just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true.
We all live our lives from our own subjective point of view – informed by our own unique experience, personality, and the people around us. This means that our thoughts are subjective too, and therefore they are often not an accurate idea of reality, particularly when it comes to thoughts about ourselves.
Often the way we think is learned – we’ve been taught by society that we have to look a certain way, or we have to act in a certain way due to our gender, or success only comes to certain types of people.
This is all a lie.
Unfortunately money drives our society and people make a FORTUNE from making us feel bad about ourselves (check out the Happy Place Podcast episode with Megan Jane Crabbe for more on this — she’s amazing!)
You do not have to believe what you are told.
You always have a choice.
You are in control.
Remember, this also means that you are in control of the negative thoughts — you have a choice as to how to deal with and react to them. Even if it feels like the world is against you, you can choose what to do with them.
It is within your power to change how your perceive your environment.
Often it’s REALLY hard to recognise this and become truly aware of what our thoughts are, and which ones are not helping us. So much of it is subconscious, but that doesn’t mean we can’t use our consciousness to override this.
Confront the Monster
“If you run from the monster it will chase you, but if you look it in the eye it’ll be the first to leave”
This is another podcast quote that really stayed with me — this time from Ruby Wax’s interview on Happy Place, where she discusses her transition into psychotherapy from comedy, and her own personal experiences of depression.
When you feel like the world has been pulled from under your feet it’s incredibly difficult to face up to things and do something about it. For many people, the natural reaction is to shy away from it and ‘protect ourselves’.
But shying away actually makes things worse in the long run as it doesn’t deal with anything — it’s like taking medication for the symptoms without addressing the cause. Nothing really gets any better.
So, how can considering our thoughts as things help us to confront the monster?
For me, it’s all about attention — paying attention is the first step to being able to separate your thoughts out and deal with them.
Once you do this you can start to consider where the thoughts are coming from, how realistic they are likely to be (particularly the ones from your inner saboteur), and whether they are useful to you.
Talk to Your Younger Self
Something I found really useful for dealing with the unhelpful thoughts is from the podcast What’s The Tee with RuPaul and Michelle Visage (if you’ve read some of my previous articles you’ll know how much I love these two!).
They often discuss the idea of imagining your inner saboteur as your much younger self:
When your thoughts are saying things like “you’re stupid” or “you shouldn’t have said that”, or “that outfit looks awful on you” you can deal with them by imagining it’s your inner child saying this to you — an immature version of yourself that hasn’t grown up, but luckily has you (a fully mature and reasonable adult) who can reassure them that this is all just coming from irrational fear, and actually everything is ok.
At first I thought this sounded a bit strange, but actually in practice it is incredibly helpful. It gives you an opportunity to stop and listen to what’s actually going on in your head and then do something about it in the moment. Reassuring yourself that everything is going be ok is actually really helpful.
Resilience
None of this is easy, it takes daily practice, and it doesn’t mean that things suddenly gets better and all the unhelpful thoughts go away, but it does give you a powerful tool to build your resilience.
The mental health charity, Mind, have some great tips on resilience. They describe it as:
Resilience is not just your ability to bounce back, but also your capacity to adapt in the face of challenging circumstances, whilst maintaining a stable mental wellbeing. Resilience isn’t a personality trait — it’s something that we can all take steps to achieve.
It’s possible for us all to build emotional resilience. We’re all different, and so what works for one person might not work for another, but this doesn’t mean that we’re not all capable of dealing with difficult times and everyday challenges.
Paying attention to your thoughts, and understanding that they are actually separate things under your control are great steps towards resilience.
Podcasts have been a really welcome addition to my exploration and experience of wellbeing.
Here are my current top three:
What’s The Tee with RuPaul and Michelle Visage
Happy Place with Fearne Cotton
Hurry Slowly with Jocelyn K. Glei
