Be Average, For Perfection Is An Illusion
I am going back into my shell, only this time I feel, I know why!
If you are looking to churn out ‘the’ perfect story, believe me, you will never write. You shall look at the blank screen with hope, but you may not be able to, because, you Ms. Perfect can’t go wrong.
How many times has this happened?
It has happened so many times, that now it is a habit I get into regularly. I can’t help it. It is neither deliberate nor on purpose. But I am just not able to write or do any of the things I use to enjoy like before, it’s almost as if my flow just went into thin air, it vanished. Taken away by the wind Gods.
The same road again?
Am I going to allow myself to go down that road again, of self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-pity? Am I going to stay stuck and blame it on my mental health or my circumstance?
Not this time. Maybe because this time, I also have my Medium family. This invisible thread of connection here running through our words, acting as a space to stand by myself, for me.
Some facts according to Science
According to psychology, perfectionism is a personality type. If I have it, I will strive hard for flawlessness. While it may not be a mental disorder, science says, it may be rooted in my belief system, wherein I base my self-worth on my achievements.
Studies say that perfectionism is a result of many other factors such as rigid or high parental expectations. Such adults were criticized heavily as children or even abused for not meeting certain standards.
Studies also suggest that running after perfection is linked to anxiety and other mental health issues, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder. Whatever we do is never really good enough.
I think perfectionism could turn into a disability if left unchecked and unattended
Long-term effect of Perfectionism
Simple tasks could become difficult to complete. When I procrastinate habitually, I could also go into depression, I may develop anxiety, eating disorders, and eventually, chronic health issues too.
I also think perfectionism might decline my relationships, my work, and life in general because ‘nothing is ever enough’.
What happens to perfectionists?
Procrastination. I have noticed when I obsess about being perfect, I freeze, and I can’t take action; the freeze is added to stress and feelings of failure.
Being Perfect
Being perfect is an unrealistic expectation we place on ourselves. It makes us less expressive and also doubts every move we make. We all want to do things well, to our best, but when our best is never good enough, we become abusive to ourselves, a sort of cruelty overcomes our good self. I have experienced and struggled with ‘Being kind to myself for the longest time.
So, as a recovering perfectionist, I would encourage anybody reading this to drop it, and get help with this obsession. Speaking about it to a trained therapist would be a good idea.
There are DIY ways to help yourself to lessen perfectionism too.
- I want to set realistic goals. For example — if I am unable to write every single day, I break it down to writing every alternate day or twice a week.
- As a perfectionist, I also want to narrow down my focus, I once wanted to be good at all my hobbies, interests, and daily activities. I even wanted to excel at exercise. I found out that it was extremely cruel of me to want to do it all. I was being so harsh on myself in the process of excelling at everything.
- If I take my mistakes as learning curves, and remain realistic about the outcomes, then I am being kind to myself.
- I found that being kind to oneself is a personal Mantra I want to follow as a hurting perfectionist.
- I wish that we accepted ourselves more often, and knew that, ‘we are enough’. ‘What we do is enough.
Lastly, you are enough, I am enough. Together we are all enough in our own worlds. We are pure potential and perfect beings created by Mother Nature.
Can I permit myself to go wrong? Can you permit yourself to be the average Joe?
