Chapter 3: Turning 30 and Feeling Alive

Here’s my reflection of 2023 as I navigate the next chapter with passion and purpose.

Janier Chua

Published in

Thought Thinkers

4 min readJan 10, 2024

I wonder if many were worried about turning 30.

In our 20s, we feared turning 30 because people will think we’re too old for anything. It’s worse when ladies are not married or in a relationship by 30 years old. I had the anxiety of being unmarried with no boyfriend before 30. I also didn’t know what being in the 30s was going to be like.

Strange to say, I felt more alive than ever.

2023 was really difficult for me. We had a family saga that almost crushed all efforts I made to get back up on my feet — it was then I realised, I was mentally vulnerable. I had Covid for the first time. I fell so ill and though the test turned negative, the repercussions lasted for 1.5 months.

I took on the challenge to save a dying (sometimes aggressive) dog, diagnosed with an inconclusive condition and only 2 months to live. (Now, she’s thriving.) During this time, I was left with anxieties, uncertainties and also some injuries from dog bites. I also hired a coach to virtually guide me through my health and fitness journey. This was one of the best decisions I made for myself. (Though, it was not an easy feat, I also injured my back somehow.) I lost 6kg, changed myself inside out! I am healthier and better than what I was as a child, teen or even in my early 20s.

Also, I contracted Covid again during the wave in Dec. I had to be stuck in isolation, missing out on two Christmas and Birthday celebrations. Fortunately, I made it out by the third day. I could fulfil my promise to my friend as a bridesmaid and celebrate my birthday with my friends and family.

Photo by author — I bought myself a cake

Welcome to Chapter 3 of my life

Learning to be me right before I turned 30 was the happiest gift I could have given myself. I always wanted to live a life that wasn’t constantly on the edge, with worries and unhappiness. I wanted to love myself and be happy, but what was that like and how to achieve it? They were questions I had no answers to.

I am glad to say that the happy life I yearned for does not come from the love from a partner or anyone else. Rather, it comes from the love from within me.

I’ve learnt a lot, especially to say “no” to things I am not keen on with no explanations, to build boundaries, and stand up for myself.

I’ve learnt to say “yes” to things even if it feels scary. As long as my heart desires, I will say “yes” and just go for it.

Goodbye, 2023 and Hello, 2024!

2023, you were so tough on me. However, I think it was the end of my tough training since childhood. I’ve learnt so much. I’ve become someone so tough, yet still have the heart to love.

I’ve finally become the person I wished to be.

2024, I am so, so, so ready. I courageously asked for certain conditions in my job, and I’m so grateful the clients agreed. I said yes to a job that I never thought would make me feel so alive. I promise to strive hard in it and all areas of life.

I actually like who I am now and I am really happy.

I never knew rediscovering me could be so fun and exciting. I no longer understand why I used to suffer in silence because I tried to be polite and considerate of others.

A word of advice to my past self: It’s okay when people whom I don’t vibe or get along with just fall off the bandwagon. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Walk away from toxic! Be brave!

On a very positive note, I attract so many good people into my life. They say I am radiating. I guess, that’s all that matters. I never knew how to live a life that’s defined as “the norm.” I like to defy destiny. I’m excited for what awaits me in the future.