Communication blockers — Dishonesty
WHEN I’M BEING SEEN AS DISHONEST?
There are several communication blockers that may spoil our team meetings. They often attack in doles which makes them more powerful and disruptive. The most common are:
WHEN I’M BEING SEEN AS DISHONEST?
This is complicated because, believe it or not, there are a few types of dishonesty…
Let’s take an example:
A: “Honey, have you ever cheated on me?”
And possible answers:
B: “No, I’ve never had a sexual relationship with that person.” — that’s direct dishonesty.
B: “Where did you take that question from?” — that’s redefinition.
B: “You know my new project is very demanding. I will be spending lots of time with my secretary, get used to it.” — Telling half of the truth
B: Silence — that’s passive dishonesty.
Direct dishonesty is when one intentionally gives a false answer. In the business environment, an example could be when we agree on delivering something we already know we won’t be able to do. When we agree, just because we are afraid of confrontation.
Let’s say that clear — when one promises to deliver and fails despite they did what they could, that’s not being dishonest, it’s just a bit of bad luck or miscalculation in the estimation either of the task or person’s own abilities. Dishonesty is when all our body shouts up front that “this is just not possible you fool” but we reply: “Yes sir” to avoid confrontation.
Redefinition or indirect dishonesty is when one intentionally (or not) is not answering the question. Instead, one tries to change a subject or answers a question that was never asked. Yes, experienced politics do that, but we may, from time be doing that ourselves. Of course, if we happen to answer the wrong question because we haven’t understood what was asked it’s not being dishonest, it’s a mistake. But it would still be a redefinition 🙂 from the formal point of view.
The half-truth is when someone doesn’t lie but keeps some relevant information to themselves in a way that changes the reply context. It’s “the easiest” way of being dishonest because it doesn’t feel that much like a lie. After all, You said the truth, just not ALL of it. A half-truth is also when someone who tends to avoid confrontation says only the things they think you would like to hear. I’m not judging that, confrontations are hard, I understand. Not speaking your mind (in a polite way) is still on my dishonesty list despite not having bad intentions.
A: Honey, how do I look in these trousers?
B: The color beautifully plays with your eyes! — the truth said out loud — But your a** is huuuge! — The other half kept for themselves ;)
Silence — may be just a passiveness or may be passive dishonesty. If we withdraw ourselves from the discussion, despite the fact that our body shouts out in a fury that we don’t agree, that may be viewed as passive dishonesty. It depends on what will happen afterward. If one doesn’t agree with the decision made, kept their thoughts to themselves and they’re trying to do what they can to realize the plan — that’s not passive dishonesty. That’s just missed opportunity to verbalize our needs or concerns.
If one kept their opinion to themselves, and haven’t used the opportunity to raise their doubts but after the agreement was made they do what they can to spike somebody’s guns — that’s passive dishonesty.
IS THERE A PLACE IN BUSINESS FOR DISHONESTY?
I would like to answer NO.
Let’s think about it…
• When people negotiate (half-truth) — they don’t necessarily are directly lying but they often keep some facts to themselves eg. “Oh my how badly I want to have this product!!!”.
• When companies fight for the job (half-truth) — they may overpromise. Still, if they believe they are gonna make it, it’s not necessarily dishonesty it may be optimism or (too much) self-confidence.
• When there is no psychological safety in the team (silence, redefinition, direct dishonesty) — people often stay quiet despite internal disagreement. They may also use redefinition to look smarter. You know that type… They don’t know the answer, so they answer a question that was never asked instead. In the extreme case of lack of trust and psychological safety in the workplace, people can be directly dishonest.
What can cause people not to tell the whole truth?
• Fear of the confrontation
• Social context and social boundaries
• Lack of psychological safety
• Respect for someone else’s role or grade — people often don’t have the courage to challenge what their bosses-boss said even if they don’t agree
• Trying to be polite
To answer the question directly:
If you notice any of the above types of dishonesty happen for you from time to time, that’s normal. We are just human beings trying to survive in a social context without hurting anyone’s feelings.
If someone uses one of the above-mentioned types of dishonesty constantly or as a primary way to communicate e.g. never raise any objections but later does not do what they can to support the agreed-on approach — then the person — in a long run — may be seen as dishonest.
This article was firstly published on my blog teambooster
