Do I belong here?
English is not my home
Similarly to many medium writers, English it’s not my native language. It is simply the key which unlocks the rest of the world. I write because I know the basics and I want to reach as many people as possible, however I’m not able to feel my words and sometimes I wonder if I’m even reaching anyone.
My native language is Portuguese and saying that does not transmit my affection towards Portuguese words. Here is the matter: I respect English and recognize the opportunities it brings, but I don’t know how it feels to experience it. I watch movies, read articles and occasionally travel to other countries where I communicate using the language, however my life is in Portuguese. I can taste every word and experience their enormous capacity of changing shape, sometimes being daggers and other times being warm hugs. I love, fail and get hurt in Portuguese. Every word is my friend or enemy, but never an unknown identity. I read something I wrote in my language and can truthfully evaluate if it is able to penetrate people’s hearts or not, because I have a history to tell related to each word. I can flourish and peruse my maximum potential when I express myself in my native tongue.
In contrast, English is a space where I feel insecure and shaky. Everything is new and unsure in my mind. My grammar is most likely incorrect and my vocabulary might make me sound like a ten year old, but that is not what matters to me. In my point of view, the importance of writing is in the message: in the love, anger, fear or awareness I’m trying to stick in the minds of readers. Perhaps my English is broken, but is that enough to stop me for spreading a message ? If the answer is no then my effort is worth it, if not I have to find another way to unlock the rest of the world.
So, do I belong here? Probably not. For me these are not steady grounds. On the other hand, I have the English key in my pocket and it would be foolish not to take it. Besides, I enjoy learning and exploring new challenges. I believe many people in this platform experience this intern battle about if it’s worth it. Personally, I’m going to give it a try and attempt to create an emotional relationship with the words which are half strangers to me right now. I hope I succeed.
