Hatred Is Often Caused by Good People
Why are young men attracted to toxic masculinity?
The CEO of one of the largest writing platforms in the world claimed, “The internet is broken and getting worse.” He then made some suggestions to improve the state of the internet. While I agree with his proposition, I have one that is more ambitious.
To be part of a better internet, we must build a better world.
The current state of the internet reflects the overall (un)well-being of the world. How can we ensure a healthy internet when the world is in chaos? Being online is simply an extension of society, unconstrained by borders.
There are numerous solutions to make the internet a better place. All the ones proposed by Coach Tony are valid. However, focusing solely on improving the internet is akin to bringing Band-Aids to a battlefield.
Unfortunately, the internet is broken because the world is broken. The US suicide rate has reached its highest point in 80 years, male toxicity is increasingly affecting young children, anxiety and depressive symptoms are soaring, and geopolitics are in mayhem.
If the internet is a mirror of societal state, we’re in for a rough ride. Or perhaps the internet itself is fueling this increase in distress and despair. Is the internet bad because the world is deteriorating, or is the world in chaos because the internet is disrupting our lives?
As an epidemiology student and a suicide prevention counselor, I stumbled upon a topic that is widely discussed both online and offline, which I didn’t realize had piqued scientific interest:
Male toxicity
I am not deeply familiar with the leaders of these misogynistic groups, aside from the too-famous Andrew Tate. However, I know that this is a polarizing topic that seems to exacerbate the state of the internet. Addressing toxic masculinity won’t solve all the world’s problems, but it would certainly help.
If we truly aim to solve an issue, the first step is always to educate ourselves about it.
What is “toxic masculinity”?
While most people have a general idea of what it entails, the scientific definition of toxic masculinity is not yet established. A compelling definition I found was by Frank Pittman’s:
Men who lacked adequate fathering, pursue unrealistic cultural images of masculinity and feel a constant need to prove their manhood.
The reason this topic has gained popularity is this relentless need to prove oneself to others. Never before has there been a time so conducive to nurturing this urge. Social media exposes everyone to the global stage. There’s always someone ready to like, listen, read, or fight.
Why does it matter?
People who act toxic usually lack inner peace. The more infuriating a person is, the more they exhibit their suffering. When seen as suffering, toxic masculinity tendencies are far more concerning.
Social media is like a healthy multigrain piece of bread. It can be good. But it can become very unhealthy if we add Nutella and maple syrup.
The same applies to the internet. One study suggested that:
“positive and negative social media interactions mediated the relationship between social media use and depression indicators, and negative social media interactions mediated the relationship between toxic masculinity and depression.”
What does that mean?
The researchers wanted to know if behaviors on social media and toxic masculinity contribute to depression. Their primary goal was to examine if men who align with toxic masculinity values and who use social media extensively are more prone to depression.
After surveying 402 men in the US, they conducted numerous statistical analyses to test their hypothesis.
Their findings indicated that the way men interact on social media and their beliefs about masculinity significantly affects their mental health. Men who frequently engage in negative interactions on social media were more likely to report feelings of depression.
Why do men fall into the toxic masculinity trap?
There is a crushing vicious circle going on. Because men are less likely to adopt healthy emotional coping mechanisms, they often unconsciously go online to engage in conflicts.
They fight because of the sense of power they often perceive during these negative interactions. For them, gaining power over others’ emotions is rewarding. When we win an argument (or believe we have won), our brain releases dopamine and adrenaline.
There’s instant gratification in upsetting others.
But in the long run, it’s the opposite. Even though men may feel satisfied after winning a pointless argument on Reddit or Twitter, this behavior generally leads to depressive symptoms.
And to whom do depressed men often turn to boost their ego and self-worth? Toxic masculinist gurus who propagate hate and misogyny. So, they return online to defend their positions and engage in further conflicts.
How can we change this?
One way to break this vicious cycle is to be present when men are searching to alleviate their depressive symptoms.
When a “toxic male” is fighting for something, it often triggers emotional reactions in others. And oh boy it is hard to help someone whose main goal seems to be to piss us off. But, to make the world a better place, we need to force ourselves to be the bigger person.
Let’s remember that they are specifically fighting to provoke a reaction. I remember hearing an interview with a person who is often seen as a toxic male:
“I like making people react. I have the same sort of reaction if it’s laughter or if people get upset. I like having effect on people. […] If I don’t get a rise out of people, I feel inadequate.”
This is why these men become increasingly toxic. The reaction always needs to be bigger and bigger because we easily grow bored of what we already know. So, to provoke even more people, these “toxic men” will gladly say increasingly monstrous things.
The best way to end this vicious and unconscious cycle is to be open-minded and start asking more questions. Arguing with people who only seek reactions is futile. But trying to understand them, where they come from, why they think the way they do, or what they are trying to achieve can go a long way.
When we approach toxic masculinity with an open mind, they are likely to be open-minded. And these men are skilled at defending their worldview, so we’re going to end up frustrated. And when we show anger, they are pleased.
Being open-minded and acting like the bigger person is challenging, but I am convinced it is the right step toward creating a better world.
P.S.: I’m not a fan of labeling people as toxic. This shortcut was used to facilitate reading.
