Poor Mental Health Day
Burn Out
Always takes me by surprise and leaves me drained.
It starts with a bad night’s sleep, having to be woken up by my son who is already dressed for school and I can tell by the urgency in his voice that he has had to try hard to wake me up.
I am not affected by caffeine in the same way other people are, but always really enjoy my first one of the morning, however today, after my fourth — I still feel sluggish and have a fuzzy head, my eyes would much rather be shut.
I am unable to communicate well, I can’t speak properly, words are hard to find and I get frustrated. I explain to my son that I’m tired today and it makes it hard to say stuff, he understands.
The school bus arrives and my son is off on his day, from being woken to him leaving is 30 minutes and it seems a lot longer than that.
I think about how I really wanted to write today, I had planned to write a piece about writing, but my head is all mushy and I can’t think straight so I open a word document and vomit my word mush all over its page. Decide it is not a good idea to subject Medium readers to that.
I have nothing to offer the day, the pots remain in the sink and the laundry is still in the basket. I ignore the floor that needs hoovering and decide to go back to bed. I can’t even speak, blah!
(Whilst writing this, my son came in and talked about multiverses and how Tokyo is a really interesting place. This has thrown me off my writing somewhat.)
When I got back up, I had developed a headache which took some time to shift. I have given up speaking for the day and talk minimally to my partner who is great at recognising my bad days. He asks if I am ok, and I give him a thumbs up. He knows.
Spend the rest of the afternoon listening to music and thinking of articles I might like to write.
By late afternoon, a friend comes around that talks enough for everyone on the planet, I finally clean the kitchen and squirrel myself away in to my room and write.
And here I am, this has been a poor mental health day.
I have stated before that I have ADHD but in truth, I have not been diagnosed with it or any other mental health issue, yet I know it is there and I also know I will never be diagnosed, does this make me unable to talk about it? I do not believe so, some may argue differently.
I still cannot speak properly and as I wind down for the evening I can only hope that tomorrow is better. This, for me, is burnout. I am burnt out.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, please leave a comment if you wish.
