Providing Feedback
How to give feedback efficiently?
Everyone needs feedback to do their job well. In fact, we give it thousands of times a day without even knowing. Every crooked look or frown, every smile, or burst of laughter, whether it’s joyful after hearing a good joke, or mocking, even the silence. All our reactions, both conscious and unconscious, are nothing more than feedback. So why do we feel so scared when we hear this ugly word? Why do we think that only a word spoken aloud has a driving force? A careful observer can notice other people’s emotional reactions to their actions and adapt to the context and the situation. This skill is called social awareness. If we were all socially aware and empathetic, feedback would not be needed. But it is…
We need feedback like a plant needs water to grow and bloom. Feedback brings the most value when it’s given while we are learning and doing the job. Feedback on how we went — may be useful in the future, but it will not change the effects of the work we have already done. So ask for feedback during the progress of your work not when you finish it.
It is very easy to give someone feedback once you overcome your fear of doing it. Unfortunately, inadequately communicated feedback can be like corrosive acid flooding your tidy flowerbeds. Nothing will grow after it, and the treasures of nature that were already there can easily rot.
How to provide feedback which will be water for our team’s mill? Delivered in the dose needed, exactly when we should, by hitting the pinion which sets the burr in motion and pushes the pinion forward?
1. Feedback should come from a genuine concern only.
If you know that your observation can help the other person avoid a serious mistake, bring them closer to their goal, or widen their field of view, do so.
The feedback that is likely to bring positive outcomes cannot bring benefits to you. Feedback should be aimed at helping the person to develop. Before you decide if you should give someone feedback, think about the reason why you want to give it.
- Why do I feel the need for sharing feedback?
- Is the goal to change the behavior of the other person, which annoys me, although it does not harm them at all?
- Who will be in the center? Do I want to share feedback to feel better myself? Is the feedback delivered really not to feed my self-esteem?
- Can, what I am trying to say, really help the other person achieve their goal? Will it be useful to her?
2. The feedback should be specific.
“You did not do well” is not feedback, it’s a judgment and not a very useful one. Useful feedback can clearly outline the situation. Tell about specific observations and indicate what influence the behavior had on the situation or the environment. Outline the possible consequences of the incident. Give examples.
3. Feedback should relate to behavior, not the person.
For example, “you get irritated too quickly” is a generalization and describes a person. It may inadvertently suggest that a given feature is unchangeable, independent of the recipient, which (apart from e.g. height or age) is rarely true.
“Well, I’m impetuous, that’s who I am, so you can’t expect me to stay calm.”
Generalizing and referring to the recipient’s characteristics will most often prevent our feedback from being accepted. Some people believe in the steadfastness of mind.
“I have no memory for numbers”,
“I do not remember names”.
Such excuses are rarely right, usually only when some area of our brain is damaged or not functioning or developed properly. In most other cases, with the help of exercise and the will to change, we are able to change a lot. Addressing “features” can create strong resistance and a feeling of unfair judgment. Especially in people who believe in the constancy of their characteristics. They will believe that they have been unfairly judged, so it is best to focus on the display of the behavior rather than the trait itself.
“In situation X, you did Y. I could notice your clear irritation. It was manifested in A, B, and C. “
4. Feedback should be given with respect for the other person’s emotions.
Receiving, particularly negative feedback causes strong emotional reactions. Our primary brain is alarmed and our limbic system is going crazy. The very fact that someone wants to give us feedback can cause stress and cause fear of rejection, so when expressing criticism we must be gentle and do it respectfully. The most important goal of feedback is to help the other person develop. It is not about who is right. If you are concerned that the feedback will deprive someone of their dignity, and that they will feel reprimanded, it is better not to state anything but ask questions instead.
5. The best feedback we give ourselves.
Therefore, questions have great power. Skillful asking of open-ended and non-suggestive questions helps the recipient analyze the situation and draw conclusions on their own. By asking questions, you influence the shape and direction of the conversation, but the recipient feels that he is in control of the situation. He has the right to draw his own conclusions, not necessarily the ones you would like him to draw, but thanks to this you do not deprive him of his sense of autonomy. After a good coaching-feedback session, the interested party is encouraged by the fact that he has independently analyzed the situation and come to appropriate conclusions. He is more motivated because the discoveries he has made about himself are his own. It is easier to accept such feedback.
6. Feedback should be served in pieces. Such for one bite. Easy to digest, but more often.
Feedback, which we know from our workplaces, is ammunition collected all year round to then pour it over our heads when it is rotten enough. Feedback is not a wash bucket. Not the proverbial s***t sandwich. There should be no trick in the feedback. The feedback should be a gift.
7. Feedback can be positive!
Yes, you’ve heard it right. It’s called appreciation, really, just try it! Because a goal of feedback is to help a person develop an appreciation of the concrete behavior helps to make it stronger and develop a good habit. Everyone would like to feel appreciated. It costs you nothing to appreciate your employees or colleagues at work and it helps them to understand your expectation and repeat positive behavior in the future.
Join an appreciation challenge and appreciate at least one person’s behavior a day. This will make you and them better people…
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This article was firstly published on my blog teambooster
Check out my boring bits about feedback.
Some nice further reading about feedback
