Stage Fright, Yiikkess!

Audience staring right into your soul. Your legs tingling. Cannot even stand up straight. And those smiling and anticipating faces are the worst. Right now, I’m feeling chills in my fingers while writing this and imagining the scenario. I’ll share my encounter with it.

Before reading further, all you need to know about me is that I hate public speaking. I hate to be the center of attention. I just despise it. I even hate it if the teacher asks me to answer a question.

I was in 12th grade/Senior year when at the short notice, I was given a speech to prepare and my anxiety kicked in. I was in boarding school at the time. My teachers guilted me into it at night. I had limited time. The event was on the next morning. I stayed up all night re-writing my speech and early morning, my revisions were getting pretty messed up. The coordinator pushed me to present the speech in front of my class for the last time before the event. That practice speech was a disaster and she started to look worried. Few teachers encouraged me but it appeared like they were pushing me off the cliff, knowing that I couldn’t fly.

Anyhow, I stepped on the stage. At the beginning of my speech, my voice came out as nervous, and I spoke fast. But I got the rhythm and became calm and talked confidently. My classmates were being very supportive. Whenever I stopped for a pause, they all clapped loudly which gave me a few moments to get myself to breathe. My teacher was also giving me an assured smile and thumbs up. I will be always grateful to them.

I’m ashamed to reveal it but the instant I went off the stage and out of the auditorium, tears started to stream down my face. My English teacher came after me and said: “You did a very great job!”. She even jokingly said: “I thought I had to call an ambulance for you because of the way you were panicking before.” I smiled but I don’t know why I cried. Was I scared? Was I happy that I did it? Was I glad that it was over? Was I missing my dad? I still haven’t got my answer. I felt bad afterward. Because I didn’t think that my performance was up to par.

FUN FACT:

My speech was on “Women Empowerment”. I had to say the word ‘political rights’ but instead, I said ‘political science’ with so much confidence that even I thought I was saying it right. And no one even noticed!

Howsoever my speech went but that experience taught me that I can go up to that stage. I just need to believe in myself. Because the next time, all I did was trust myself.

I still don’t appreciate the fact that my teachers put me under the truck at the last moment, just because another girl quit.

This stage came into my life again! The previous semester, my classmates exposed me to the professor about speaking well in English. They asked me to read some lines. I did and was accepted on the spot to host the event. This time I performed perfectly well during practices. Then came the last revision. I had to speak on the dice in front of an empty auditorium. I was excited. This time it was thrilling for me.

The second I went up to the stage, all my morale was thrown out of the window. My legs started shivering and I was not able to breathe properly. You had to see my face considering that some kids were giving me amused looks. I bent down and punched my legs so hard, so that they would pain, but to no avail. I was desperate for that prickling sensation to go away. My professor called me to start hosting. I turned a blind eye to my tingling and start speaking. After a few lines, I got used to it and a comfortable feeling crept in. I loved it!

The night came and students started to fill up their seats. I thought the auditorium won’t be crowded but boy was I wrong. However, I wasn’t nervous at all. And I hosted it quite skillfully. The only thing that hurt, in the end, were my feet from standing for 3 hours straight. This time I was proud of myself. I was excessively satisfied and I felt accomplished. This was my best achievement, after all, I defeated my stage fright. The best feeling ever!