Member-only story
SHORT STORY
The Overthinkers Recovery Group
“Everyone please take a seat”
Attendants shuffle into the conference room one by one, avoiding eye contact as they each select a seat and cautiously remove their outerwear. The room is the type of beige, dream-killer once popular in the 80s, its light unflattering, chairs wobbly, carpet stained, and the view outside the murky windows cold and uninspiring. There’s a smell of mildew that never quite disappears, no matter how often the room is cleaned.
Last to enter is Dale, dressed, as usual, in a tightly-buttoned cardigan and bowtie. His shoes squeak as he walks to the front of the room and clears his throat.
“Welcome everyone to our weekly meeting of “The Overthinkers Recovery Group.” Though, last week Sandra pointed out that Recovery is a journey and not a goal, so I’m considering renaming the group. Perhaps something like “The Way Station for Overthinkers Who Are Rethinking Their Relationship to Overthinking Things”. Or, maybe a name with the word “Ruminate” in it would be more accurate? Please wait to offer your suggestions until after the meeting.”
Sandra, wearing a vintage flowered dress and floppy hat, raises her hand. Rather than calling on her, Dale takes a deep breath and appears to count to five, before continuing his speech.
“As I said, please wait to offer your suggestions until after the meeting. Now, this week we have a special guest who was kind enough to take time out of his busy day to come talk with us. Listen to him carefully, team, because I expect you’ll get a lot of value from hearing his unique perspective on maladaptive over-philosophizing. I certainly have. Everyone, please give a warm welcome to Phil, the man who came to my door last Tuesday to sell me pest control services.”
Polite applause fills the room as Phil, a young man with hair styled into a greasy mullet, strides through the open door. Taking his place at the front of the room, he turns to face the group, giving everyone a lazy smile.
“Hey.”
Dale slaps him on the back, a move designed to appear casual.
“Thank you so much for joining us today, Phil. Would you mind telling the group the first thing you said to me when I…
