The Reason You Never Find The “Answer” in Self-Help
Something about that vague word called “mindset” …
Success — it’s all mindset, baby.
Er, or like, 80% mindset and 20% action.
At least 50/50.
Though how we divide a pie between mind and body eludes me (sorry Descartes fans).
Defining “Mindset”
I’m getting too attached to the metrics. I write this because it recently dawned on me that “mindset” IS distinct from action and it IS critical to develop in and of itself. I suppose all of its self-help baggage had me tuning it out as a cliché platitude.
Now, when I say “mindset” I use it as an umbrella, covering such terms as:
- Limiting belief
- Inner belief
- Self-sabotage
- Self-confidence
- Self-love
- Self-respect
- Etc.
And, although these terms have unique meanings, the fact that they are intangible, [objectively] unmeasurable, and distinct from external circumstances is why I lump them together as “mindset”.
But so what?
Well, I’d contend that anyone reading this wants to improve their mindset, and without defining what that means, it’s impossible to do so (at least in a systematic way).
Defining “Improve my mindset”
Most of the time, our criteria for improvement relate to external behaviors we reverse engineer into mindset traits that we want to model from others:
- The tranquility of the enlightened monk.
- The ambition of the popular influencer.
- The work ethic of the startup founder.
- The lightheartedness of one of those 1960s lecturers.
Though almost everyone will fall short of their idols and fall back into the cycle of modeling a (new) impossible standard.
But irrespective of others, how do we improve OUR mindset — if our only screen is the mirror and our only book is a personal journal? How do we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps?
We don’t.
You don’t. I don’t.
It’s a process that happens by itself. Me writing this is part of the process. You reading this is part of the process. There is nothing to DO that you would not do anyway.
Yet, you, unsatisfied with “waiting”, will read the next listicle, or the next book on habit building, or watch the next guided meditation (or a video like “Here’s What Happened to me After I Meditated for X Days”). All in a misguided attempt to extract the secret from a bunch of empty hands with closed fists.
I will not stop you. I too search for answers in closed fists.
Yet, I, not confusing the industry of information with the answers to a unique and ever-evolving life, treat the search as I would shopping for new clothes (i.e., I can try this goal-setting technique and this mediation and see how they fit). It becomes less of a struggle for ultimate meaning and more of a pastime.*
And what happens?
My mindset still changes. It still improves and sometimes still falters. I still fall deeply into the game of self-improvement, but I always keep one eye open. I always keep in mind that it is, in fact, a game: One that can make you more satisfied in how you live and even more successful in measurable terms.
But a game nonetheless.
The language of self-improvement and “mindset” is part of an industry — our unique, individual lives will always supersede it.
*I consider consuming self-development media to be a better use of time than watching the latest tragedy on the evening news or the current celebrity gossip (even knowing that it is not the answer to every problem).
