Trapped in a Video Game
Black kid drops acid with his white friends for the first time.
In high school, one of my best friends was a satanist. I was raised southern Baptist. So you can imagine my shock when he told me. At the time I was coming to terms with my own issues with the church incongruences and contradictions, so I met him at an odd time.
But, (let’s call him Liam) Liam was hilarious. He, I and some others met and formed a bond in a film studies class. Honestly, they brought me to a different view of life which I had not considered. Film life I mean; like movies are something more than entertainment. Or entertainment means something more than being entertained. Points of views are seemingly infinite, and I liked that, not the Satanism. But, that did too, change me. Just not in the way you think.
So, I asked Liam to confirm he worshiped the devil. This is where I begin to think about exiting this fresh friendship. He said “No, that’s a Devil Worshiper, not what a Satanist is.” So I say, “What is a Satanist?” And I know it’s going to be some bullshit that some how leads back to bowing down to the guy with horns. Followed by some brochure and and an invitation to join some dark cult. This is what I get hanging out with white people.
He said he believes in the power and ability of man. He said that Christianity often or always puts the power out side of the individual. He said that the term light bringer is what Satanism literally means. Knowledge being the light. Also, the billion dollar Christian industry uses control of knowledge to control the people. I didn’t disagree with him. I wasn’t going to be a Satanist. But, I did agree. It did open me up to thinking about other religions in the world though.
I was thinking about all this driving over to his house to smoke some weed, place some chess, then go have a night making movies. This was the plan. I told my over protective mother this was the plan. Not the weed but the movie making, for our film class. Little did I know we were going to do way more than that.
We were shooting a low budget very deep vampire movie, with very subtle religious overtones. Cain we proposed was the first vampire. And he never died. Basically, I sensed him in our territory and chased him. It was a black vampire verses white vampire type short. With little dialogue I ended up looking like a discount Blade hunting vampires, trench coat and all.
So, I arrive at Liam’s house and we play a quick game of chess, and talk philosophy. He gets a phone call and his group of goth friends where going to walk to the golf course drop acid and smoke two blunts of Jamaican red hair, the finest I had ever smoked. Not that I was a big pothead. I said’ “what about the movie?” I actually did want to shoot. Also, thoughts of my pissed off mother went through my head. He mentioned we could/should on a particular day and finish up. Some half assed excuse to hang out and have fun. I thought, well my mom doesn’t have to find out.
When we left to meet the crew, my new cell phone slipped out of my pocket. I would find this out later. My friend lived on the edge of a golf course with his mother. His dad, ex-military, super decorated lived close by. His parents were divorced like mine.
The other friend (let’s call him Mark)Mark we were meeting lived across the golf course. Mark was a 2nd generation American-Irish, super redhead, who wailed on guitar and lived to party. I envied his singing freedom sometimes. We walked outside and made our way. Liam told me about when they saw an alligator out here. Did I mention it was dark out? I start looking for alligators. Our friend Mark met us on the green, with a few other friends, and pulls out the acid.
“It’s pretty weak.” Mark said. Let me remark they had all done acid several times. I said ok. “What’s the usual dose?,”I asked. Mark looks at Liam, “Uh,…For some good stuff? Maybe two? Yeah two hits. But this is really weak.” “Yeah, I had it and it is pretty weak.” said Liam. “How much do you think he should do?””Well, five?” “Five maybe seven.” “I’m doing seven.” “Yeah me too. Yeah do seven.”Says Liam. I said, “Okay.” I was only a little worried I would go insane. Or being like this one guy, I heard about, who did so much acid he tripped forever.
So, I dropped seven hits of “weak” liquid acid on my first time. After we had all dosed the five of us smoked two blunts back to back and then went for a drive. I could not finish smoking the second blunt with them. I already thought I was tripping.
I am stoned and even with out weed all these guys are hilarious. Cracking up we go downtown. We hope in Liam’s car and pull off, laughing all the way. I forgot I took acid. I just feel high.
I’m sitting in the back, drivers side. Someone tells some stupid joke and I turn to the window and blurt out like some cartoon donkey and in the car next to me seems to be a preteen self-conscious girl and her girlfriends. I am laughing my ass off and this girl looked horrified. This only made me l\laugh harder.
As their car pulls of I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought that she’s going t cry her self to sleep that night thinking I was laughing at her. But, she’s so wrong. Then I actually did start laughing at how silly this girls imaginary night was going to be horrible because of me. Then, I guess I was laughing at her. Which only made me laugh harder.
Strangely also saw a guy cocking hand gun in the passenger seat on the way home. I played it off like I didn’t see it, glancing swiftly away and still laughing. He looked over when he realized the gun was above the window and viewable to anyone outside the car. He didn’t shoot us. We ending up parking downtown and walking to the local record shop. This is when I knew I was tripping.
My laughing fit is till going on. And when we walk into the store everything looked lit up like heaven. The whole store was just a brilliant shimmery reflection, with a few people in it. I patted a friend on the back as we entered, and I was still laughing. Then another friend. He turns. Wait this is not my friend.
I slowly stop laughing and take my hand off this strangers shoulder and turn to walk further in to the store. I don’t see my group. I scan the whole room and don’t see them. I start to freak out. I’m just receiving feelings of fear and isolation. Everything looked mathematical and connected. Programmed planned. Bright. Where was I? I can’t breathe.
I see the door and rush out. I imaging everyone in there was either starring at me or pretending not to notice me. Either could be true. Bursting out the doors I see Liam sitting on the bench outside. Slightly relieved, I sit beside him. I say, “I didn’t know where you were! Everything looks like a video game! He laughed. “He seems to be starring at the ground. I look at the ground and back up and everything looked the same. I did it again hoping something changed and I wasn’t stuck in some parallel universe, exactly like this one.
It felt like everything was suppose to be changing but it didn’t. I did this over and over again. Trying to make the world change. At this point I told Liam I was freaked out. I was having a panic attack(my mother may have been as well) and I was scared out of my skull. This is early in my friendship with them so I wasn’t totally comfortable with these folks. This is a drug to do with people you know and love. I called another friend of mine, at their recommendation.
The familiar calm of her voice was able to ground me more so I knew I wasn’t in a video game. It continued to be bad for an hour or so, just not as bad. Then it got easier and easier. Eventually, we left as the drug effects were wearing off. We went back to Liams home. I got my car and headed home. We never did shoot anything.
Arriving home, my mother was awake, in the kitchen, with all the lights on in the house, way past when she goes to bed. “I have been trying to call you all night! I called the cops!” “I didn’t know. I told you we were shooting a project tonight…” “Huh, when? Where is your cell phone?” The cell phone I had just gotten last week. I check my pockets. I do not know where it is. “I left it at Liam’s.” “Well, let’s go get it.” My hear sinks at the embarrassment.
After midnight, we hop into her car and drive 10 mins to Liams house, where his mom does not like to be disturbed late at night, as I have been told by Liam several times, because she works early at the post office. So, my mother, his mother and Liam are all going to be a bit upset with me this night. Not to mention Liams room is upstairs and his mother’s is right beside the front door. I knock.
My mother waits in the car with the engine on. I knock again. I hear Liam come down the stairs. He opens the door. “Dude my mom’s sleeping!” “I know. I left my phone here.” “It couldn’t wait til tomorrow?” “Ask my mother. she called the cops.”
Luckily, my phone was there in his couch. I never felt so good feeling bad. I was grounded and had my phone taken. The worst part was having to sit through a conversation about phone responsibility. I never tripped with them again, until next year. But, we did make the short.
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