PHILOSOPHY
We’re Meant to Be Lonely
And, it’s actually good for us
“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” — The Notebook
Loneliness is the quintessential human condition. An intrinsic part of our existence that shapes who we are.
People desperately try to escape it, fearing it like the plague. But what if I told you loneliness is not the enemy? That it’s actually a beautiful, powerful force that helps us grow?
Sure, being alone can feel terrible at times, like an ice cream headache searing through your soul. But just like brain freeze passes, so, too does the ache of loneliness.
Because you see, we are meant to be lonely explorers, drifting comets on an inward journey of self-discovery.
Think about it — when were you most “you”? When the crowd cheered your name or in those solitary moments of reflection? Loneliness strips away the noise, allowing you to intimately know yourself.
Like a hermit crab leaving its shell, you shed society’s expectations and past identities. You’re free to ask “Who am I really?” and courageously listen to the answer. Loneliness is the trailhead where you blaze your own path.
I remember one sweltering August night, the AC busted, dripping in sticky D.C. heat. As Rihanna’s “Stay” played on repeat, I had a mini existential crisis fantasizing about dropping out and living in a yurt in Mongolia. (The yurt part was weird, but you get the idea.)
In that crucible of loneliness, I realized my biggest fear wasn’t being alone — it was living someday regretting never taking risks to be my authentic self. That night my soul shed another layer of its shell.
Of course, that soulful striptease isn’t easy. Left alone with our thoughts, we’re forced to confront aspects of ourselves we’d rather ignore. Insecurities unravel, the harsh judgey-judge emerges, and we beat ourselves up over past mistakes.
That’s why we instinctively retreat to distractions, someone else’s social media life seeming way better than our own. We numb out, scarfing Oreos, and hate-watching reality TV. Anything to avoid our mind’s judgmental chatter.
But here’s the glorious paradox — by sitting with loneliness, you neutralize its potency and access your deepest wisdom. Like staring down a growling beast, you realize it can’t hurt you. Its roars were all bluff and blunder.
The quiet moments, when the distractions fade, reveal your core solidity. A peacefulness allowing you to embrace all parts of yourself — the beautifully bizarre quirks and “flaws” that make you distinctly you.
Not only does conquering loneliness teach profound self-acceptance, but it’s also the spark lighting your creative fire.
Think about it — most great art, inventions, and insights emerged from someone grappling with their inner world.
Loneliness + boredom is genius’s bullpen.
It’s where our wildest ideas and whimsies can finally stop and play. Like Dr. Seuss sneaking off to a bell tower with his journals and a young Maurice Sendak creating an imaginary kid named Mickey (who later morphed into the iconic Where the Wild Things Are Max.)
Without the dreaded “l” word, these imaginative souls would’ve stayed suffocated by societal expectations. Civilized, polite, and utterly deprived of the audacious truths loneliness laid bare.
In solitude, we reunite with our childlike creative spark. A purer, more playful part of ourselves that constantly got “shushed” in youth. Whether it’s picking up that long-abandoned guitar, writing freeform poetry, or simply daydreaming wild “what-ifs”…loneliness lets that zany inner kid off its leash.
For me, loneliness launched this weird writing career. I still vividly recall staring at an empty Word doc at 2 am in college, feeling deliciously alone and free. With no one to impress or agenda to follow, my bizarre self started word-vomiting stream-of-consciousness ramblings that eventually shaped my voice.
But the biggest gift of all?
Loneliness unearths our humanity. Not the polished personal brand we show on social media. The rawer, more humble version of ourselves that’s easier to empathize with.
After stripping away the ego’s defenses, sitting in loneliness’ hot tub of introspection wrinkles and prunes you. Like a raisin in the sun, the experience condenses your perspective and expands your compassion for others’ suffering.
You realize your struggles — however unique they seem — are actually pretty universal. That the inescapable ebb and flow of loneliness links all of humanity through this lifetime. Suddenly, the quirky neighbor who talks to his plants or the depressed coworker who hits the vape too hard doesn’t seem so bizarre.
I was the clichéd lonely teen who escaped into books, blogs, and a private OkCupid profile catfishing as a 35-year-old dude named Clint (why Clint??). These lame stunts felt humiliating at the time. But now I know they helped me channel loneliness into building deeper empathy.
If past-me could tap into his imagined older persona’s emotional landscape (however skewed), he had to cultivate some understanding for all types of people. Ironically, loneliness primed me for meaningful connection.
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No, loneliness isn’t fun. It aches like a stubborn stomach ulcer. But that intestinal distress awakens you to life’s poignancy. It ruptures the delusional bubble that you’re unique in your solitary angst. You’re not. Every human who walks this whirling rock has writhed in loneliness’ grip at some point.
So stare it down. Don’t avoid its agonizing tugs or dull the discomfort with incessant busy work. Welcome loneliness as a profound spiritual catalyst. Let it batter your soul and leave you exquisitely vulnerable, grateful, and alive.
Because in solitude you finally hear life’s quiet whisperings — urging you to create, grow, accept, empathize, and mostly embrace your beautifully imperfect human self. Loneliness is the catalyst transforming you into your rawest, most authentic version.
Yes, being lonely stings like a trillion splintered toothpicks stabbing your heart. But those agonizing pokes reawaken your soul’s embers. Fanning a fire to illuminate the path back home to who you really are.
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