What My Anxiety is Like
No I can’t stop myself from thinking
My life is so boring and uneventful. Would the minutiae of my daily life interest anyone? Well I’ll try with this stream of consciousness post and see how it’s received.
I get anxious over everything. And I often feel I have to apologise for it.
In my life, everyone seems so put together. So cool and calm. Everything is under control. How I wish I could be like that.
Also, they prefer it if you don’t complain. What you’ll get told is to not think so much. I think this must be the psyche of an older era. I am more in tune with Gen Z. I’m very fond of Gen Z (my sweet nephew) and beyond.
It frustrates me. How I wish there was an off button.
The only time I got some peace was when I had chemo and the Benedryl in the IV drip made me so sleepy I had the best and deepest sleep ever.
The not thinking won’t work. Worries suppressed come out in my subconscience in the form of disturbing nightmares. I always remember the details and my cousin D tells me it’s because I never got to the deep restful sleep state.
How sweet it was to have dreamless sleep. Or at least to not remember the dream. But no thanks, universe. I’d rather be in remission than have chemo just for the drugs.
