A Day’s Take-Away: Self-Entitlement
When you feel someone close to you has wronged you and you can’t understand how and why on earth they did it, here are some helpful reminders.
Have you ever had a someone quite close to you, or maybe a friend who, one day without a word, just dropped communication and ignores you without any explanation? What did you feel? How did you manage the frustration? Did you have persistent thoughts of things you could do to either understand the situation or fix whatever the matter is, if ever it needs fixing?
Overthinking & Life’s Unfortunate Unfairness
I overthink, most of the time. Even when I was little I had a lot of what-ifs. Most of them were about my Mom, like her simple trips to the Market, ‘What if she get hit by a vehicle? How do we get on with our lives?’. Stuff like that.
Other times, when I got older, I became too mindful of what other people think of me. A little scoff of an acquaintance, though it meant nothing to them, was something that triggered my mind to think about a lot of possibilities.
It’s not a blessing. It’s not a curse either. It’s merely a bad habit we need to unlearn and get away from for those who are like me.
To overthink is not healthy, in any way. If you know any scenario that supports the notion otherwise, then please, you are very much welcome to give response to this post. ☺
As children become older, cross puberty to adolescence then reach adulthood, our minds are honed to complication through rationale, reasons, facts and truths which we gather through experiences, some we pick up from what we read or hear, others we get from the society’s culture fed to us.
It is hard. Life is complicated and we cannot get away from problems as easy as 1 + 1. There are choices, there are consequences. Relationships are not as sweet as what’s portrayed on romantic-comedy movies or ones that are family-oriented. We can’t always get what we want. Ultimately, overthinking does not, in any way, aid to ease any unacceptable situation we may find ourselves in.
Hard to Accept, but this is the Truth
Sometimes, people will do things you won’t even understand. And even if you try to want to understand things and fix it yourself, without another’s contribution, it won’t work.
People will disappoint.
That is the truth.
Nothing can change this.
People have expectations from one another, if it’s not met, then there goes sadness, maybe anger, most of the time it’s disappointment.
Relationships. In whatever angle one may look at it, it will always be a two-way thing. But in doing so, I believe, building up one’s own individuality by responding or acting better in a situation is necessary for a relationship to work. Even if the receiving end don’t reciprocate to it at all, at times, what matters is how you are and what you did about the situation rather than what you have got from the other person.
It feels good but it’s not right.
In unfair situations, which in some cases I have mostly presumed — based on my own observations, but not ultimately proven true — I feel totally entitled to an explanation so that I may understand it whole. If salvaging of what’s lost is not probable anymore, since the fault’s been done and there’s no redemption, there will only be consequences.
However, I find that self-entitlement is not anywhere near a part of Jesus’ character or habit. Self-entitlement, to put simply, is expecting favourable treatment from another being, without merit. It’s like a self-imposed social code. It feels good, simply because it favours you but it doesn’t mean that it is right and that you have to yield to it and impose it to another.
It’s all about Reminders, Mind Sticky-notes perhaps?
I’ve experienced rejection a couple of times like everybody else. It hurts. It’s painful. You’d look at yourself, you’d think, ‘Is there something wrong with me?’, ‘Did I do him/her wrong?’, and the supposition floods in.
Warning: Overthinking Underway.
Sometimes, you assume you’re rejected because you’ve been constantly ignored by someone. But it may not at all be true; no confirmation, therefore it’s all supposition.
I just realized and learned in the past week that no matter what, whether the person who ignores me truly dislikes me without my understanding, or not, it’s up to me if I’d keep up having the following:
1. Keep myself bugged with the thought that I have to do something to find out the matter and understand it.
2. Overthink things.
3. Exert sorts of effort in trying to reach out and fix things but to no response at all.
4. Overthink things.
6. Be frustrated.
7. Get bitter.
I do have a choice to actively push through frustration, disappointment and sadness. A couple of things helped me:
1. Impose better, well, positive thoughts.
2. Divert attention. Think about things you want to do.
3. Focus resources, which implies time and energy, to more important matters needing immediate attendance.
4. Entertain yourself. Watch a movie. Do a marathon. See Spongebob. Jog. Be excited about Sherlock, Doctor Who and Bones. Check out your celebrity crush and daydream. Do whatever is harmless but will amuse you.
Lastly, the need to constantly be reminded I ought no self-entitlement.
I remember Paul, who was Saul, a notorious murderer of Christians, when he got saved had none to offer people as pride. When he wrote letters to churches or to Timothy or to other he always introduced himself as a servant of Christ. At times, which is awesome, he would give a summary of his story and that with humility he gave all the glory to Jesus Christ for he acknowledged that he wouldn’t be able to preach the Gospel, lest be a believer, without the power of the King of kings, God, himself, blessed Paul with.
The greatest reminder is the love of the Father, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He came to earth as a helpless child, He was born on a manger in a place where animals settle and eat and excrete their bodily fluids and wastes. It was the lowest of the low. Then He grew as a man with an occupation of carpentry, He did not build an organization or a church. He went places, served people, washed the feet of His uneducated friends, dined with sinners, defended prostitutes and accepted the outcasts with warmth. Then He died on the Cross. Jesus lived to die but did not finish at just dying. He rose after 3 days. Jesus Christ, went through all those in exchange for His kingship, sovereignty and kingdom in heaven.
I am no better than any man. I may have or I may not have been wronged. It’s not the ultimate matter of the day. It should not be the biggest issue my heart is to focus on. There’s so much greater goal I ought to fix my eyes on Christ, the Author and Perfecter, the One who Completes, my faith, this journey.