Baby It’s Cold Outside…..and Inside…
And if you are simply an old-fashioned gentleman it’s cold pretty much everywhere you turn these days when it comes to courtship.
Rather than hopping into the debate, I chose to make light of it. In the spirit of Chrismas, modern dating, and apophenia permeating our nation, I present my parody of the recent Baby It’s Cold Outside debate
I had a hot one on the line last night and was about to set the hook. Then my old favorite Frosty the Snowman came on and instantly tipped my date off to my biologically pre-dispositioned male plans for a little romance that evening. Like she read my entire playbook. I tried to explain that it was just an old Christmas song but me complimenting her and buying her dinner and several cocktails earlier which she had no complaints consuming were now only proof of my bravado and sexist intentions. It was too late.
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I wasn’t about to take the blame for this though so I responded that if she didn’t want sex that she shouldn’t have laughed at so many of my jokes because that was misleading and emotionally abusive.
I was busted. Frosty outed me. What could I say? I instantly pleaded old-fashioned. She screamed “clearly you pervert!” and I got the hell out of there before she could tweet a #metoo. As I ran out the door with my tail between my legs wondering what the hell just happened I heard sleigh bells ringing out from the rooftops and looked up to see a jolly old fat man on a sled pulled by reindeer laughing out loud “Ho, Ho Ho!”. I thought for a moment “typical male using derogatory names for women”, and then screamed back in defense of my secret men's hegemony club “No, No, No! Santa!”. Turn back now it’s a whole new world! They’ve got cameraphones AND twitter! You have no idea what you’re about to get into!
I’m not sure what happened to the jolly old fat guy after that but I went home. Watched some porn. Fed my dog and called it a night. So much for Christmas tunes and traditional courtship. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everyone!
#babyitscoldoutside #merrychristmas #masculinism #itsoktobeaman
Enjoy scenes from the Christmas Classic below! and if you enjoyed this article follow me for more socio-political-sexism-socialjustice parody, discussion, and commentary!
