Adoption Defenders Are Exhausted, and It Shows – The Cost of Fighting Reality

Are you ok? I Feel Sorry for Those Who Can’t Face the Truth About Adoption.

I used to feel anger toward people who refused to see the truth about adoption. The ones who defend the system like their entire identity depends on it, the ones who spew hatred at adoptees and mothers of loss, the ones who parrot industry talking points without ever questioning why adoption needs an entire billion-dollar PR machine to justify itself.

But lately? I just feel sorry for them.

Because to live in that much denial, to be so emotionally invested in a lie that you lash out at the people who have lived its consequences – that must be exhausting. It must be damaging as hell to their own psyche to carry so much hatred toward those simply telling the truth.

The Personal Cost of Defending a Broken System

These people aren’t just hurting us – they’re hurting themselves.

• Adoptive parents who refuse to listen to adoptees? They end up raising children who will eventually resent them for dismissing their pain.
• Adoptees who cling to the fairytale and attack others for speaking out? They are suppressing the very emotions that will eventually come crashing down.
• People who see any critique of adoption as a personal attack? They are so deeply entangled in the lie that their own identity is at risk if the truth is acknowledged.

The system has indoctrinated them, too. It has weaponized their emotions, told them that questioning adoption means questioning who they are, that listening to adoptees means betraying the fantasy they’ve built their life around.

That’s a hell of a burden to carry.

I Don’t Envy Them

Because I Know What Freedom Feels Like

I feel sorry for them because I know what it’s like to be trapped in the lie.

It’s Okay – You Don’t Have to Pretend Anymore

You can stop now.

You don’t have to keep twisting yourself into knots to justify what you know, deep down, isn’t true.

You don’t have to keep performing outrage every time an adoptee speaks the truth.

You don’t have to keep fighting so hard to protect a system that doesn’t need your defence – it needs to be dismantled.

It’s okay. You can let go.

Because no matter how much you deny it, the truth about adoption will never change.

The Lie Is Exhausting.

The thing about defending adoption – especially when adoptees and mothers of loss are telling you, repeatedly, what it actually is – is that it takes so much effort to keep up the act.

• You have to ignore decades of historical evidence that adoption was built on coercion, profit, and family separation as social control.
• You have to dismiss every adoptee who speaks about identity loss, sealed records, and the mental health impact of being erased.
• You have to pretend that adoption is always about “love” – even though love has nothing to do with legal severance, falsified birth certificates, or billion-dollar placement fees.

It’s fucking exhausting to keep defending the indefensible.

And you don’t have to anymore.

We Know Why You’re Holding On So Tightly

You’re not fighting for adoption because it’s right – you’re fighting for it because you need it to be right.

Because if you admit that adoption has caused irreparable harm, then you have to ask yourself:

What does that mean for my identity?

What does that mean for my family?

What does that mean for everything I’ve believed until now?

That’s terrifying, isn’t it?

Because if the truth about adoption is as dark, corrupt, and exploitative as we say it is (and it is), then what does that say about the people who supported it, promoted it, and benefited from it?

And that’s why you lash out.

That’s why you mock adoptees instead of listening to them.

That’s why you frame us as bitter, angry, and ungrateful.

Because it’s easier to attack us than it is to admit that we might be right.

The Truth Will Still Be Here When You’re Ready

Here’s the thing: we don’t need you to admit the truth right now.

We don’t need you to “get it” today.

Because the truth isn’t going anywhere.

• Forced adoption happened.
• The adoption industry profits off of family separation.
• Adoptees have higher rates of depression, identity crises, and suicide.
• Birth mothers were and continue to be lied to, coerced, and erased from their children’s lives.
• Adoption is not the perfect fairytale you desperately want it to be.

And no amount of denial, outrage, or verbal attacks on us will make any of that untrue.

So, You Have Two Choices

One

Keep pretending. Keep defending adoption. Keep shouting at adoptees online. Keep telling yourself that we’re just “angry” and “bitter” because it’s the only way you can sleep at night.

OR.

Two

Let the truth in. Let yourself acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, we aren’t the villains here. That maybe adoption isn’t what you thought it was. That maybe, instead of attacking us, you could start listening.

You don’t have to answer right now. You don’t even have to agree.

But when the weight of the lie finally becomes too much to carry – when you’re too tired to keep pretending – you’ll remember this.

And when you’re ready? We’ll still be here.

#AdopteeVoices #AdoptionTrauma #ItWasNeverAboutTheChild #ForcedAdoption #NarrativeShifting