Adoption Trauma Explained:
Lessons from Balinese Hinduism
Adoption is often seen as a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child in need, but there’s a deeper side to the story that isn’t always acknowledged. Many people don’t realise the trauma that can come with adoption – both for the adoptee and their birth family. This article explores why this trauma is often dismissed and how we can better understand it through the lens of Balinese Hindu beliefs.
Why Adoption Trauma Gets Overlooked
The “Happy Ending” Myth:
Society loves a good story, and adoption often gets wrapped up in a “happy ending” narrative. People focus on the joy of a child finding a new family, and this overshadows the pain of being separated from the birth family. This narrative makes it easy for others to overlook the deep emotional wounds that can come with adoption.
Lack of Understanding:
Many people don’t know much about the psychological effects of adoption. They might not realise how being adopted can lead to feelings of loss, identity struggles, or a sense of abandonment. Without this knowledge, it’s easy to dismiss an adoptee’s emotional pain.
The Silence of Birth Families:
Birth mothers and birth families often suffer silently, mourning the loss of their child. Society doesn’t always make space for their grief, assuming that they’ve “moved on” once the adoption is finalized. This lack of recognition adds to the trauma because it leaves birth families feeling forgotten or invalidated.
Cultural Stigma:
There’s a stigma around talking about the hard parts of adoption. Adoptees might feel like they can’t express their pain without seeming ungrateful. Birth mothers might feel judged for the decision they made, even if it was the best option at the time. This stigma silences important conversations and leaves trauma unaddressed.
The Emotional Impact on Adoptees and Birth Families
Adoptees often experience a deep, underlying sense of loss. Being separated from their birth mother, even if it happens at birth, can create a void. This can lead to feelings of abandonment, questions about identity, and struggles with self-worth. For the birth mother, the trauma of giving up a child can be lifelong, filled with grief, guilt, and sometimes regret.
In Balinese Hinduism, there’s a belief in “Rwa Bhineda” – the idea that life is a balance of opposites, like happiness and sorrow. This concept reminds us that the joy of adoption doesn’t erase the pain that comes with it. Both emotions exist together, and acknowledging this duality is crucial for healing.
What Non-Adopted Individuals Need to Understand
Recognize the Pain:
Understand that adoption involves loss. For adoptees, it’s the loss of a birth family, and for birth mothers, it’s the loss of a child. This pain is real and valid, and it doesn’t go away just because the adoption was “successful.”
Listen Without Judgment:
Sometimes, adoptees and birth mothers need to express their pain. It’s important to listen without trying to “fix” it or dismiss it. Just being there, offering a listening ear, can be incredibly healing.
Avoid Assumptions:
Don’t assume that love from an adoptive family can automatically heal all wounds. While love is essential, it doesn’t erase the trauma of separation. Acknowledge that both the adoptive and birth families play a role in the adoptee’s sense of identity and belonging.
Support Their Journey:
Healing from adoption trauma is a journey, and it’s different for everyone. Support adoptees and birth mothers in whatever way they need, whether that’s through conversation, therapy, or simply respecting their experiences.
Healing Through Balinese Hindu Concepts
Balinese Hindu beliefs offer some profound ways to understand and heal from adoption trauma:
Acceptance of Duality (Rwa Bhineda):
Life is full of opposing forces – joy and pain, love and loss. In adoption, acknowledging both the positive and negative emotions is crucial. By accepting this duality, adoptees and birth families can begin to find balance and peace.
Spiritual Cleansing (Melukat):
In Balinese culture, rituals like Melukat – a spiritual cleansing ceremony – are used to wash away negative energies. For those affected by adoption trauma, creating personal rituals of healing and reflection can be deeply therapeutic.
Empathy and Connection (Tat Twam Asi):
The concept of Tat Twam Asi– “I am you, and you are me” – encourages empathy and understanding. By truly seeing and acknowledging each other’s pain, adoptees, birth families, and adoptive families can connect on a deeper level and support one another in healing.
Conclusion
Kesimpulan
Adoption is a complex journey, filled with both joy and sorrow. The trauma experienced by adoptees and birth families is real and deserves recognition. By embracing the lessons of Balinese Hindu mythology – accepting life’s dualities, practising rituals of healing, and cultivating empathy we can better support those who have been touched by adoption. It’s time to move beyond the “happy ending” myth and create space for all the emotions that come with this life-changing experience.
