Pro-Adoption Advocates Are Fundamentally Disconnected from Reality!
The Imposed Beliefs That Silence Adoptees
People who blindly champion adoption as a one-size-fits-all solution are operating from a deep “disconnect from reality”, unable to see beyond their own beliefs to the truth of the adoptee experience. They cling to a simplified, feel-good narrative that ignores the layers of loss, trauma, and identity crises that adoptees live with every single day. In doing so, they not only impose these beliefs on adoptees but also systematically remove adoptees from their own truths.
A Deep Disconnection From Reality
Those who are “pro-adoption at all costs” fail to engage with the reality of what it means to be adopted. Their stance is often rooted in a desire to “fix” a problem or “save” a child, but it’s a view that is fundamentally self-serving. It’s not about the adoptee’s experience but about the “comfort and moral high ground” of those who advocate for adoption. This is “disconnected from Reality” – from the collective understanding that identity, belonging, and truth are essential human needs that cannot be replaced by a forced narrative of gratitude or rescue.
The Systematic Silencing of Adoptees
Pro-adoption advocates often silence the voices of adoptees, either by dismissing their trauma as unimportant or framing it as a small price to pay for “being saved.” This belief system systematically strips adoptees of the right to fully explore their own identity and experiences. It tells them that their feelings of loss, grief, or disconnection are wrong – that they should instead focus on the “blessings” of being adopted. This is classic “gaslighting” on a massive scale, forcing adoptees to live in a fabricated reality, one where their own truth is secondary to the narrative imposed by others.
Imposing a False Narrative
The truth is that many adoptees live with a fractured sense of self, torn between two identities, two worlds, and two families. But the “pro-adoption movement” often demands that adoptees adhere to a single narrative: “Be grateful. Be happy you were adopted. Stop questioning the past.” This narrative imposes a false sense of closure on adoptees, pushing them further away from the truth of their lived experience and into a mould that doesn’t fit.
To be removed from your biological roots and then told that you “shouldn’t” explore them is to be cut off from your own truth, your own identity. Pro-adoption advocates not only encourage this, but they actively participate in the “systematic erasure” of adoptees’ right to question, to grieve, and to search for answers. It is a deep betrayal of the adoptee’s autonomy, a denial of their right to live in their truth.
The Consequences of Imposing Beliefs
The pro-adoption stance, when left unchecked, is not just harmful – it’s destructive. It forces adoptees into a position where they must reject parts of themselves to survive in a world that tells them they’re “wrong” for feeling disconnected or lost. This imposed belief system strips them of their ability to fully integrate all parts of their identity, demanding compliance with a version of their story that doesn’t reflect their reality.
The consequences are profound. Adoptees are left feeling as though they cannot express their true feelings about their adoption experience without being shamed, judged, or silenced. They are expected to carry the weight of a narrative that was never theirs, to begin with, one that ignores their trauma and forces them into a life of disconnection from the truth.
Reclaiming the Truth
The truth is adoptees don’t need to be told how to feel about their experience. They don’t need to be forced into a narrative of gratitude or asked to silence their grief for the comfort of others. “REALITY” – is the collective understanding of shared human experience – this requires us to recognise that adoptees have the right to explore their trauma, to seek answers, and to question the imposed beliefs that have shaped their lives.
Ask yourself… Are you pro-adoption? If so, it’s time to take a step back and examine the system you’re supporting. Are you really advocating for the well-being of the adoptee, or are you upholding a narrative that disconnects them from their own truth? If you can’t live in the reality of adoptee trauma, then you have no right to impose your beliefs on them.
Adoptees deserve to reclaim their narrative, free from the expectations and imposed beliefs of others. They deserve to live in their truth, not the one that’s been forced upon them. It’s time for those who champion adoption to acknowledge their disconnect from reality and stop systematically removing adoptees from the truth of their experience.
Don’t Expect Adoptees to Live With It When You Either Couldn’t or Wouldn’t
The reality of adoption trauma is not something you can simply brush aside as someone else’s burden. You, as a non-adoptee, have never had to question your belonging, your roots, or your identity in the same way adoptees have. And yet, there’s a silent expectation that adoptees should just “accept” the dislocation, the fractured identity, and the liminal space they’re forced to navigate every day.
But let’s be real – could you live with it? Could you handle being ripped away from the only family you’ve ever known, dropped into a world where you’re expected to be grateful, all while wrestling with the loss of your biological family? Would you be able to live with the constant identity shifts, the feeling of never fully belonging in one place or another? Most of you wouldn’t. You’d crack under the weight of it.
So why do you expect adoptees to carry this invisible burden, day after day, without ever acknowledging its heaviness?
Don’t expect adoptees to live with a fractured identity, the sense of perpetual disconnection, or the emotional limbo when you know deep down you wouldn’t – “or couldn’t” – do the same. It’s time to stop minimizing the struggle and start recognizing that what adoptees are asked to endure would shatter most people.
