The Absurdity of Praying for Another Women’s Child!

Adult Adoptees’ Voices Stifled in Adoption Discourse

Shane Bouel
Thoughtless Delineation
9 min readMay 17, 2024


If you, as an adoptive parent, persist in this pattern of dismissiveness and denial, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if your child walks away from you.

In the chaotic realm of social media, where cacophonous voices collide and opinions jostle for attention, a disturbing charade unfolds behind closed doors — a theatre of censorship and suppression. Adult adoptees, the unsung protagonists of adoption’s harsh realities, find themselves gagged and erased within the echo chambers of pro-adoption rhetoric. Why? Because they dare to strip away the veneer of toxic positivity that cloaks the gritty truths of adoption.

Imagine a room hung heavy with an unsettling quietude, pierced only by the hushed whispers of adulation that reverberated across the opulent chamber. A woman of opulence and authority, her porcelain complexion aglow in the flickering candlelight, stood erect with an air of pride. Her frigid, unyielding gaze fixated on the small bundle nestled in her arms — a child not born of her own womb but plucked from another’s.

Surrounding her, a throng of worshipful faces painted a tableau of admiration and wonder. They extolled her, hailed her as a messiah, a ray of hope incarnate. To them, her actions were divine intervention, a noble feat executed in the name of their deity.

Yet, in the shadows cast by this spectacle lurked another figure — a woman of sorrow, her eyes hollowed by anguish, her countenance etched with the scars of despair. She was the mother, coerced into surrendering her offspring. Her heart bled with pain beyond tears, a wound destined to fester eternally.

This scene unfolded as a tragic saga, an unvarnished depiction of the power structures dictating their society. It was a festival of privilege, an exaltation of dominance, all veiled under the guise of a deity meant to champion love and equity. But in that poignant moment, it symbolized naught but a grievous travesty of justice.

The Vanishing Act

Picture this circus:

a virtual arena where adult adoptees bravely step into the spotlight to unravel the fabrications of adoption’s fairy tales. They rip through the saccharine narratives, exposing the festering wounds of trauma and the festering rot within the adoption industry. Their words strike a dissonant chord, disrupting the symphony of happy endings peddled by some adoptive parents and agencies.

But alas, like a conjurer’s sleight of hand, these dissenting voices vanish. Comments evaporate into the digital ether, posts are whisked away into the void, and the narrative reverts to the saccharine haze of “feel-good adoption stories.” What remains is a sanitized tableau of adoption — an illusion that conveniently sweeps aside the complexities and hardships endured by many adoptees.

The Dirty Disappearances

What fuels these vanishing acts of adoptee voices? It’s a concoction of cowardice, control, and calculated deception:

1. Preserving the Facade: Pro-adoption crusaders and their ilk cling desperately to a facade of adoption as a utopian blessing. They dread that dissenting voices might shatter this fragile illusion, so they resort to erasing inconvenient truths.

2. Asserting Dominance: Certain adoptive parents and agencies crave dominion over the adoption narrative. They crave stories that fit snugly into their narrative of picture-perfect families, relegating anything that challenges this myth to the shadows.

3. Evading Uncomfortable Realities: Confronting the darker facets of adoption — loss, trauma, and systemic injustices — is a discomfort few are willing to endure. Deleting critical comments serves as a cowardly escape from these harsh truths.

The Despicable Act of Praying for Mothers to Abandon Their Babies

Let’s delve into the abyss of despicability: praying for mothers to forsake their offspring. It’s not just repugnant; it’s a testament to the depraved mindset entrenched within some pro-adoption enclaves. The notion that a mother should be coerced, guilt-tripped, or spiritually strong-armed into surrendering her child is a macabre distortion of human compassion. It reeks of entitlement and a callous disregard for the sanctity of motherhood and familial bonds.

Yet, in the twisted narrative spun by adoption zealots, this abomination isn’t merely normalized — it’s applauded. Prayers are offered not for the well-being of the mother-child duo but for the seamless execution of the adoption transaction. It’s a grotesque dance of manipulation and disregard for the inherent rights and emotions of those ensnared in the adoption web.

The Unsilenced Echoes

Despite these efforts to muffle their voices, adult adoptees refuse to fade into obscurity. They persist in their crusade, be it through social media diatribes, advocacy battalions, or intimate gatherings of kindred spirits. Their message resounds with clarity: adoption is a labyrinth of complexities, and its discourse must encompass the voices of those who have navigated its treacherous paths.

A Battle Cry

The time has come to tear down the veils of censorship and silence shrouding adoptee voices. Pro-adoption crusaders must embrace diversity of thought, even when it shatters the illusions they cling to. Ignoring or erasing dissenting voices only perpetuates a shallow understanding of adoption’s multifaceted reality.

As for the “dirty disappearances” mentioned earlier, they stand as damning evidence of the uphill battle yet to be won. Adoption discourse must evolve to be inclusive, empathetic, and willing to confront uncomfortable truths head-on. Anything less is a disservice to adoptees, birth parents, and the very essence of human dignity.

Unraveling the Depths of Adoptee Torment

As the digital battleground cools down from the heated exchanges, a darker underbelly of the adoption narrative slithers into view — a realm of profound psychological anguish and identity warfare that plagues many adoptees. Beyond the superficial debates on language and presentation lies a chasm of trauma and existential questioning that cuts to the core of adoption’s impact.

The Unspoken Agony

Behind the glittering façade of adoption success stories and glossy propaganda, there exists a silent scream — a scream born from the haunting realization that some adoptees would have preferred the brutal finality of abortion to the murky uncertainty of adoption. This raw truth, buried beneath the veneer of societal expectations and adoption cheerleading, exposes the brutal complexities of adoption’s toll on mental fortitude.

Forced Birth and Reversals

A Chaotic Terrain

In the current tumultuous landscape of raging political battles and societal upheavals over reproductive rights, the ominous spectre of forced birth casts a long shadow. The seismic shifts, triggered by the regressive reversal of Roe vs. Wade and the erosion of women’s sovereignty over their bodies, add fuel to the inferno of adoption discourse. For adoptees grappling with the bitter realization that their very existence was a pawn in society’s power games or legal mandates rather than a product of genuine choice and acceptance, the wounds cut deep.

Navigating the Tempest

Amidst this tempest of conflicting ideologies, adoptees find themselves adrift in a maelstrom of tumultuous emotions, societal pressures, and institutional barriers. The emotional wreckage of feeling discarded or expendable, juxtaposed against the societal adulation of adoption as a panacea for all woes, breeds a caustic cocktail of disillusionment and alienation.

The Imperative of Compassionate Dialogue

As we peer into this abyss of human suffering and societal discord, the clarion call for a compassionate and introspective dialogue echoes louder than ever. This dialogue must transcend the superficial platitudes and confront the stark realities faced by adoptees — their mental scars, their existential quandaries, and their quest for authentic identity amidst a sea of societal expectations.

The Facebook fracas serves as a microcosm of the tumultuous landscape of adoption discourse — a landscape scarred by raw emotion, existential turmoil, and the relentless pursuit of truth.

When considering the question, “What the hell is wrong with her? and many like her”, in the context of adoptive parents who silence adoptee voices and pray for mothers to give up their babies, it’s important to delve into the underlying attitudes and behaviours that drive such actions.

Preserving a False Narrative

Many adoptive parents who engage in silencing dissenting voices may be deeply invested in maintaining a certain narrative about adoption. They might believe that acknowledging the trauma and pain associated with adoption would invalidate their own experiences or the choices they have made. This need to preserve a sanitized version of adoption can stem from:

Cognitive Dissonance

Accepting the harsh realities of adoption could create a conflict with their self-image and beliefs. To avoid this psychological discomfort, they dismiss or suppress voices that challenge their perceptions.

Fear of Judgment

Acknowledging the negative aspects of adoption could lead to fear of being judged or criticized by their peers or society. Maintaining a positive façade helps them feel validated and accepted.

Control and Power

There is also an element of control and power dynamics at play. By silencing adoptee voices, these parents and agencies maintain control over the adoption narrative. They might feel:


Some adoptive parents feel a sense of entitlement over their children and the narrative surrounding adoption, believing that their perspective should dominate.


By controlling the discourse, they reinforce their authority and legitimacy as parents, which can be particularly important in the face of societal scrutiny or personal insecurities.

Avoidance of Uncomfortable Realities

Many adoptive parents might avoid confronting the uncomfortable truths of adoption because it forces them to:

Confront Personal Failures

They might have to face the fact that their actions or decisions have contributed to the trauma and pain of their adopted children.\

Address Systemic Issues

Acknowledging the flaws in the adoption system would mean recognizing the need for reform, which can be overwhelming and daunting.

The Role of Religion

For some, religious beliefs play a significant role in their adoption journey. Praying for mothers to give up their babies can be rooted in:

Misguided Altruism

They might believe they are doing a divine duty or fulfilling a higher purpose, blinded by their interpretation of religious teachings.

Spiritual Manipulation

Using religion as a tool to justify their actions and decisions, they may manipulate vulnerable individuals into believing that adoption is a morally superior choice.

Psychological Implications

From a psychological perspective, such behaviours can indicate:

Narcissistic Traits

An inability to empathize with the pain of others and a focus on maintaining one’s own image and narrative.

Defence Mechanisms

Mechanisms such as denial, projection, and rationalization are employed to protect oneself from guilt and anxiety.


In essence, the actions of adoptive parents who silence adoptee voices and pray for mothers to relinquish their children reflect a complex interplay of psychological defense mechanisms, power dynamics, and sometimes, misguided religious fervor. These behaviours are not merely individual failings but are also symptomatic of broader systemic and societal issues within the adoption discourse. For the sake of the adoptees, it is crucial to confront these uncomfortable truths and foster a more inclusive, empathetic, and honest dialogue.

So, to those who persist in silencing these voices:

What the hell is wrong with you?

Adoptees are deeply concerned about the approach taken by Midnight Mom Devotional and others regarding adoption discourse, particularly in their selective focus on praying for mothers who give up their children for adoption while neglecting to pray for mothers to keep their children. This biased stance perpetuates harmful stereotypes and fails to address the complex realities faced by mothers in challenging circumstances.

Adoption is a multifaceted issue that requires empathy, understanding, and support for all individuals involved, including birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive families. By promoting prayers that prioritize adoption without acknowledging the importance of family preservation and empowerment, Midnight Mom Devotional misses an opportunity to foster inclusive and compassionate dialogue.

We urge Midnight Mom Devotional and others alike to reconsider its approach and strive for a more balanced and ethical stance that uplifts all mothers and families, regardless of their choices or circumstances.



Shane Bouel
Thoughtless Delineation

Using creativity to lift standards of ethics & morality by questioning half-truths and denouncing the conservancy of inhumane ideologies.