I Hate How Long It Took Me to Be Confident in Myself

A story of how faking it until I made it was a mistake.

Confidence is a very useful tool. It allows you to leap when others cower. It even tends to make you more attractive to others. There are very few things in this world that are not improved when you have confidence. I hate how long I waited to start believing in myself. But first, a little backstory.

People have always seen me as a confident person. But I never saw myself that way, I was very good at pretending. If you met me on the street, you’d likely say that I was outgoing. At parties, I tended to be the guy who would start conversations with anyone. Some might even say I was charming.

But presenting this persona was a huge mental toll. To be that person, I had to ramp myself up for the night ahead. I would often cancel plans because I could not get myself into a mental state of being that confident, outgoing person. It was a mask I wasn’t willing to leave home without.

When I would make it out, alcohol tended to be the enhancer of choice. Athletes may have HGH, but for anxious people who feel compelled to act confident, alcohol does the trick.

At work, it meant portraying a person who understood more than I actually believed I did. What I realized later in…