My Vulnerability
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found the ability to be self critical is what keeps me from settling with “good” and pushing, as much as I can, to “great.” Self criticism is the start of self improvement… the ability to recognize where there is room for growth, learning, and personal improvement in the way I approach and do things. It’s very important to note that self criticism should never be telling yourself “I’m terrible.” Maybe “self criticism” should be reworded as “constructive self improvement” — the stuff that is going to help and be a source of positive goodness, not give you an “uh-oh” feeling. Self criticism is the idea of looking in the mirror instead of pointing out the window. (“Pointing out the window” means placing blame or fault on others as the cause of failure and distress when things go wrong–you’re pointing out the window at all the reasons for misfortune since there’s no way you could be the cause yourself. Whereas “looking in the mirror” is looking at yourself and where you may have gone wrong in order to improve oneself, not at what others have done or where their faults may be.)
What I’m finding is a crucial aspect of self improvement is being vulnerable. We spend so much of our lives building a facade of false confidence that we fail to let others see beyond this, and this in turn keeps us from revealing the weaknesses that through exploration and evaluation, make us become better people. This facade not only keeps others out, but keeps us from seeing our own true selves — we’re so busy worrying about keeping the facade up that we spend more effort holding it in place than finding the root solutions for needing to create a facade in the first place.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being weak. The act of being vulnerable takes enormous courage and strength. Being vulnerable takes trust. Being vulnerable means hearing things you may not want to hear. Being vulnerable means admitting that you don’t have all the answers, or even know what questions to ask. Being vulnerable means asking for help. Being vulnerable means opening up about your ideas even when they might be ridiculous (the ridiculous ideas are usually the best ones!) so you can hear other opinions. Being vulnerable means breaking down the facade of confidence and letting others in.
What do we gain from being vulnerable? Our relationships grow stronger. We communicate openly and honestly. We seek out help instead of waiting for it to be offered. We take responsibility for our decisions, right and wrong. We learn from others. We gain personal confidence instead of a facade representing confidence. And most importantly, we admit that we’re trying.
We’re trying.
