Staying Focused in a Blurry World
How a planner survives in times of uncertainty
I have always been more of a planner. Daily to-do lists which help me stay on the right track even if I don’t always complete them. Artsy schedules taped onto my wardrobe — my savior when it comes to deadlines. Extensive online research of all tourist attractions and restaurants before I even leave my house for a trip. Don’t get me wrong, I do have the occasional spontaneous urges, especially when I am in a group of friends with time on their hands and crazy ideas in their minds. However, there are three fundamental reasons why I try to plan.
Firstly, I value my time. Yes, time, a concept created by humanity to provide a sense of structure. There are so many theories about it, so many ways to measure it. Still, no one can really explain why spending time with your loved one can fly by in a heartbeat while waiting in front of the emergency room of a hospital can feel like infinity. It’s ironic how we are trying to define and measure something so subjective and fluid.
Secondly, I like to feel secure. Certainly, I see a certain beauty in the unpredictability of life. Knowing what lies ahead would kill part of its charm. However, after being a victim of circumstances beyond my control so many times, such as illness, distance and unrequited feelings, I have been aching to take control. Also, I have never been much of a risk-taker. I have been getting out of my comfort zone a lot recently, but I generally like to carefully consider all the pros and cons before making a decision. Since I don’t always have enough time to do my usual analysis, I try to plan various scenarios in my head, at least when it comes to critical situations.
Last but not least, I hate bad surprises.
Of course, I love good surprises. I loved it when my friends surprised me for my 22nd birthday on a nearly empty campus with a delicious carrot cake, a bag of thoughtful gifts and a birthday card with special wishes from each one of them. The night was full of music, laughter and tears. Tears because of the bad surprise we tried so hard to put at the back of our minds — that we wouldn’t be able to see each other for five months, some for longer, possibly eternity.
This was what COVID-19 was for many — a bad surprise. Who would have thought that we would be under quarantine for several months and who knows how much longer, restricted from human interaction and time outdoors? This certainly feels like the script for an apocalyptic TV series. Sure, there might be a lot more panic than necessary, but when it comes to the unknown and the unpredictable, we are terrified. This is human nature — no matter how spontaneous you are, you try to exercise some form of control in your life. Whether it’s what you have for breakfast in the morning or what your career path will be, you like to think that you are, to a certain extent, the master of your destiny. Whether there is such a thing as fate, or everything is a matter of free choice, we have yet to discover. Personally, I see it as something in between. You have this wide path that is ultimately determined by destiny and within that path, you have different twists and turns which are up to you. Making certain decisions can result in interesting and picturesque stops on the way, others could make for a boring or dangerous journey.
So, as I said, I try to plan most of my life. How successfully that goes is another question. I don’t have a map for life, I won’t know where the road will take me, I can’t predict everything. And neither can you.
So, how do you, fellow planners, get through the days before us filled with uncertainty?
Well, you don’t.
You change your focus.
You see, so much of our uncertainty lies in the future. How will I find a job? How will my relationship change with distance? How will I pay my bills? There are so many questions we have about the future that we cannot answer for certain.
The past is already written, and is the place where we can seek wisdom to help us ahead. All the times when you failed with a project, when you went on the wrong diet, when you invested in an unhealthy relationship, all these “misfortunes” gave you something. It might not be the results you expected, but it is certainly something extremely valuable — lessons. Learning experience which can make you wiser and more successful when you encounter a similar challenge again. So, yes, the past is incredibly valuable, but still beyond your control.
So, what is the one thing that is within your reach? What can you feel certain about and what can you change?
The biggest gift of all — the present.
Pun intended.
I know that even though I might have a headache the day after, the conversation that I am having on the phone at 2 a.m. in my pajamas makes me happy and blissfully unaware of all my problems.
I know that even though I don’t get to perform with my friends at the campus café now, a spontaneous concert in the shower or in my bedroom brings me joy and healing.
I know that even though it would be easy to slip into the depths of sadness or the temptation of procrastination, performing well at university is my choice, and I can and want to stay ambitious, creative and passionate in everything I do.
I know that even though I will probably not get abs tomorrow, but rather lots of muscle soreness, exercising helps me get energized and stay in shape.
I know that even though my path after university is uncertain, I can make wonderful memories and enjoy this last year to the fullest, whatever it brings.
I know that even though I feel an aching, scary emptiness from losing my mother, my love for her is infinite. So is my admiration for her bravery and perseverance and my gratitude for her wisdom and care.
I know that even though both me and my grandmother are in pain from our loss and I have to leave for university in four months, hugging her seems to bring together all of my broken pieces for a while, and holding her hand and seeing her smile means the world.
We might not know what will happen tomorrow.
We might not know how long this pandemic will last.
But what we can focus on and do about it now is focus on what makes us happy, build ourselves, nurture our relationships and express gratitude for our blessings in life. Leave some breathing room in all those to-do lists, schedules and planners. Leave room for the things that make you happy, and for the things you can do to make your loved ones happy. Leave room for crazy, spur-of-the-moment ideas, for unexpected calls that feel too good to end, for beautiful sights that take your breath away and warm hugs that make your heart melt. Because, at the end of the day, it’s the little things in life that matter most, and every good planner has to set the right priorities.
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Trayana Karamihaleva is a business administration and journalism and mass communications student at the American University in Bulgaria. She believes that planning, like most things in life, is healthy in moderation, but part of the beauty of life is in its unpredictability.
