Don’t be stupid

Webster’s dictionary describes the word ‘testimony’ as “ proof or evidence that something exists or is true.” Everything we claim to know, understand or have, has to be tested to prove that we really had it in the first place. The question then follows, how true is what we are claiming know? How true is the character we boldly claim to have? Are we as intelligent as we claim to be? Maybe the reason why the word is testimony is that we have to be tested first.

A patient man is never known for his patience till he is tested in his patience. It could be a very quarrelsome wife no other man can imagine being married to or a nosy neighbour that just tests every level of patience he has.

But the patient man handles his wife with so much ease it is almost stupid, the way he tolerates such nonsense. Or he the way he tolerates such a selfish neighbour that needs to be put in his place. Who would really go through all that just to prove he is patient? But it is his faithful endurance and careful reaction to irritating situations that makes him worthy of being called patient. He had to be tested in scathing situations to be proven that he really is patient.

Or let’s take the example of an intelligent being. Someone most people appreciate to be very intelligent. Einstein for example. Einstein wasn’t just tagged an intelligent person by some random sample of neighbours who admired him because of his charm. No! He is considered intelligent because of the theories he came up with and was able to defend beyond doubt to a lot of people. The title ‘intelligent man’ is true for him because time and time again he proved through the way he answered questions or solved problems how truly intelligent he was. Equally, a student is tagged intelligent because of how well he scores in his tests.

It seems that without tests, every adjective we are qualified with, whether self imposed or by external persons is false.

So we really can’t describe ourselves with any virtue if we have not been tested in that virtue. We are not kind if we don’t instinctively do kind deeds And we can’t be described as kind because of the single kind deeds we do every once in awhile either. A kind person is not kind one day and just not into the whole kind business the next. It just doesn’t work that way.

And that is why very few people agree with us when we decide to describe ourselves with virtues. We come of as proud and self conceited because they want to see it for themselves. Our virtues are usually identified by others based on our actions. Don’t get me wrong, you are the only one who truly knows who you are. It is a very internal business to fully accept who we truly are but our world is both internal and external. That is why who we truly are should be affirmed by both internally and by those around us. If we are patient, we should know and accept within us that we are patient, but everyone around us should also be able to testify, with little or no debate that we really are patient.

Who we are is almost always a reflection of our internal thoughts. Who we accept ourselves to be.

What is your reaction if someone calls you stupid? Your response to that simple statement can be expressed in a number of ways; You can flare up at the suggestion that you are stupid because deep down you really believe you are stupid and the person just confirmed your insecurities, or it could be that the person doesn’t understand you and is the one being stupid. I mean people shouldn’t go about saying what they don’t know right?

Inversely you could silently process this allegation by wondering if it really is true and feel sorry for yourself or just decide to not accept it as truth. It could also be that you are just not be in the mood for emotional games but the claim that you are stupid could equally be true or false.

The more stupid you behave, the more stupid you will be called . The less you pull stupid stunts, the less likely you are to be called that. The word ‘stupid’ will be in the vocabulary of descriptions about you till you are eventually known as stupid or not called that anymore. You can dilute the frequency of stupid decisions you make till you really are immune to stupidity, if that’s possible, or you could just give up trying not to be stupid and dive fully into the pool of stupidity.

This brings me to human nature. Human beings will by nature always be flawed. Now some may be more flawed than others, and others more flawless than the rest. And human as we are, we tend to look up to the less flawed individuals as our idols, leaders, mentors and teachers. We believe so much in their resistance to flaws, we begin to believe that they really can never fail. But that is where we err. Human beings, no matter how long they are able to stay flawless, fail. It is nature. It is just a matter of how often we mess up and do stupid stuff.

When we put too much hope in our less flawed heroes, we are often left devastated when they fail. We blame them for upsetting our hope in humanity. ‘I expected it from anyone else but you.’ But they never signed up for perfection. They never promised us they weren’t going to fail. And even if they did promise, they shouldn’t have. That was maybe a stupid promise to make.

This is the reason we are told to never meet our heroes. They will disappoint us. If not immediately, eventually. Even if they do nothing wrong, we will discover a very human or ordinary part about them and be disappointed. The power couple you look up to as an example of a blissful marriage might announce that they are taking a break. The preacher you respect so much might cheat on his wife. The patient friend you have that never gets pissed off might flare up one day for a reason you just wouldn’t expect.

Every human has the capacity to fail. The earlier we accept this truth, the easier it gets for us to accept our own flaws.

So it is important we ask ourselves the question “why bother then?” Why try so hard to be perfect? Well because it is expected of us. Expected of us as humans just so we can also depend on someone else at some point in our lives. Because if we all decided to give up or give in, there would be very little morality left. Very little sanity.

A child learning to walk falls so many times before he is able to finish his first 2 steps it is almost absurd the way he keeps trying. What if he decides he is too depressed to try again and he just can’t do this walking shit anymore? What if makes an excuse that only a special group of babies were born to walk in this world and he is just not a part of them? Or walking is only for the extreme babies just so he can excuse the effort he has to make in walking?

The interesting thing about a baby’s first steps is that he always gets encouragement to try again. The way his mother will pick him up whenever he falls, or the way she will clap for him and reward him with a hug or some boob juice when he makes those steps is I want to draw our attention to.

Instead of chastising our own selves and others when failure rears its ugly head, how about we do the opposite? How about we encourage ourselves to do better? Not a justification for the wrong done but an encouragement to do better next time. Yes I agree some actions deserve reprimand, but even in reprimand, how about we make them understand that they can become better. That they are not the scum of the earth everyone including themselves believe?

We can only continue to do our best, and encourage ourselves to get back up immediately after we fall.

Sometimes we are our own punishers. We dwell so much on our weaknesses that we forget about our abilities. Our ability to make people laugh or just stay quiet when everyone else is talking. Our ability to learn in noise or break the awkward silence in a tensed gathering. Our ability to think more than others can or speak better than others can. Our ability to handle bullshit. Our ability to stay defiant and push through thick walls of negativity and pessimism. Our infinitely many abilities.

Humans fail that’s a fact, but above failure are the infinitely many accomplishments we are capable of achieving if we would only allow ourselves to see them.

God is the perfect example of this lesson. He loving disciplines us in our disobedience but even better than the discipline is that very foolish way He loves us.