Writing on the (Honey)Moon
As you already know, this is our honeymoon. But that doesn’t mean it can’t also be something else. There’s no good reason why this trip can’t also be my first midlife crisis.
Accordingly, I begin each day with a rant and ramble about things I think I may be great at “doing next”. That’s right, for those of you who hadn’t known what romance is… you’re welcome.
I look to Dre for guidance on these ideas. She’s a saint for not leaving me up on the hill somewhere to fend for myself. I don’t know where she gets the patience.
I also want to know how she’s handling the sudden exchange of our comfort (read: our apartment, our careers, and our social lives in Baltimore) in exchange for this (admittedly bad-ass) honeymoon.
She’s fine, at least she’s tough enough to fake as much.

Alternatively, the potent combination of stressors mentioned above usually turn my line of questioning FROM something like,
“Sweetie, my love (pass the wine, s’il vous plait)…
What career path do you think you’d find most rewarding? (no, thank you, I’ve enough cheese — yes it’s wonderful, merci beaucoup)…
I mean, will you continue your pursuits in real estate?”
…INTO something like,

“WHAT ARE WE DOING NEXT?! OMG WE’RE IN FRANCE AND SO IS ARSENE WENGER. I NEED TO GET ARSENE TO FIX US SOCCER (#ARSENEIN) WHILE REVIVING THE NATIONAL LAMPOON (CONSERVATIVE EDITION) AND STARTING MY OWN FINANCIAL ADVISORY AND BECOMING ECONOMIC ADVISER TO A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN. OMG I NEED TO STUDY FOR AT LEAST 30 YEARS FIRST. SHHHH I HAVE SO MUCH READING TO DO AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANY FRENCH. WOULD YOU MIND IF I SEND YOU A DRAFT OF MY FIRST BOOK? OH LOOK THE IFELL TOWER AND ISN’T THIS WONDERFUL, SO MANY OPTIONS IT’S JUST GRAND. WHICH ONE ARE WE DOING, AGAIN? AH HA HA HA HA HA HA WAIT SERIOUSLY WHAT’S GOING ON… WHAT ARE WE DOING !!???!?!!?!?!?!?!!??!?! AHGGGHGGGHG!!!?!?!?!
Saintly, she replies,
“Yes, you’re…erm… quite special, aren’t you?
[the way you tell a chubby second grader that anyone can be in the Olympics]
“We’ll save money, return home, and get back to work.
“Now, why don’t you go play outside a little while?”
Aghhhhh, why didn’t I think of that?!

